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When dose it get easer????

  • minxy1912
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22 Aug 12 #351054 by minxy1912
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Thank you to you all,it is a help knowing people are listening.
JJ my boys are 7 and 11, but think the 11 year old is developing early if you get me? he driving me mad,and they always been such good lads.
Don''t get me wrong, i know i am better with out my ex, i always dealt with everything any way,so nothings changed there. Just the constant ti raid of "s**t" that i wasn''t expecting, i thought it would all be much more simple!! silly me.lol.
Thanks again guys for your comments, they do help.xx

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22 Aug 12 #351091 by survive
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Hi, just wanted to send you a hug and to say I emathize wi how you are feeling. (( )). Do you have any friends you could also grap a coffee with and sound off to? Maybe friends of your eldest? I too have an 11 year old son who is the eldest of 3 and he is very much in ''kevin'' phase if you know what I mean. His anger outbursts will often reduce me to tears to the point where I feel like running away (which of course I would never do). I sometimes put it down to his hormones, sometimes due to the situation of his dad not being here and also the fact that I have no male back up or support which in turn makes it mentally draining. So I can kind of guess where you are coming from... and you just want everyhting to be ''normal''

But it does take time, it will get easier, the children, well I know from talking to other parents that they are experiencing similar (although I feel that my son is worse... but i guess don''t we all when they are playing up).

You sound exhausted. Take some time for you. If the children have contact, use some of that time just for you. Get out if you can, mix with people, go for walk, read a book, grab a coffee... whatever pleases you. It is important to re-charge though so can deal with all life is throwing at you.

Take Care and stay strong. You know you are trying the best you can and one day when your children are all grown up, they will remember that.

Hugs

Survive

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22 Aug 12 #351219 by minxy1912
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Thanks survive, i know exactly what you mean about the kevin stage, driving me mad.
He superposed to have contact but has found one bad excuses of another over the past 4 weeks. even when he does have them i am working so get very little time, i Evan go to bed to read a book and the little one follows and constant chats, go in the bath and they decide they need a poo.lol...
Have to keep going tho.xx

  • MrsMathsisfun
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22 Aug 12 #351228 by MrsMathsisfun
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Is you son just about to start secondary school? He is probably nervous so playing up a bit. They all think they are so grown up but we have to remember they are just kids really.

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22 Aug 12 #351230 by fairylandtime
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Hi minxy

My yongest son was 13 when we split, he was a slow starter to the teenage years and had "anger" problems anyway.

That first year was horrendous, previously good at sch he started acting out, acted out at ome and especially when returning from x''s (I hated Sundays) ended up excluded from sch at one point and have several holes in the walls at home.

Sorry to be so bleak, what is was is he found it hard to show his feelings, in the end we found relate counselling really helpful .. You could try there they boost up kids.

We still have "blow outs" but they are less frequent and he can stop them. Now he is much more settled, we have had to have some hard conversations esp as he wanted me to get x back 1 yr after he left etc.

I think with the teenage years it is really hard for them to relate to us as parents anyway, and add to that divorce it''s no wonder they are mixed up and express that in any hich way they can ... Anger for my youngest. Withdrawal for others, however best they cope (or not).

Good luck, for me my son asked that we keep this out of school hence relate counselling, talk to your son, it''s hard (turned out a lot I did upset him also so needed a lot of changing and less protecting from me).

JJx

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25 Aug 12 #351951 by Marshy_
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Hi Minxy...

minxy1912 wrote:

Why cant they see i am doing my best and feel like i am failing!!! again...
Sorry for the rant.


Your not a failure. You just aint succeeded yet. Not exactly the same thing. This thing is hard. Its hard on anyone. I have never met anyone yet that said it was easy. So dont knock yrself so much. You are doing ok. U havent collapsed in a heap yet right? Keep going. One foot in front of the other. Baby steps. You will be fine. Thing is with this process is that we are so busy with it all, we are looking down all the time. One day, it will be over and you can look up. And up there somewhere is the sun. And it will shine on you. Then you will be done. And you can get on with yr life. But right now, there is a little rain to deal with. But its just a shower. C.

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25 Aug 12 #351953 by honeybeeee
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Hi, I''ve only just been thrust into this world of divorce.

My life was my husband & kids....
Both grown up now with minds of their own.

Its all well & good to be told to GET OUT THERE & MEET PEOPLE,COZ THE WORLD DOES NOT COME KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR YOU HAVE TO GET OUT THERE &&&&&& MAKE AN EFFORT!!!!

I too have no life of my own.

I just wish it all could be over,LIKE RIGHT NOW.....

Sorry that I''m no help, but I am sending you a real big HUG XXXX

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