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adulterous ex married adulter

  • jjones123
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12 Oct 12 #360677 by jjones123
Topic started by jjones123
Grr! Just wrote a nice blog but lost it... Never mind.

Just discovered that my adulterous ex wife (who said all kinds of lies about not having an affair etc) has ended up marrying the guy who she had an affair with - who was also married at the time of the affair.

She went for this other fella since she could see that he was a better prospect in her career. She also married me since she could see that there was a prospect of some money.

I''ve got mixed feelings about all this. I''m a bit angry because I can now (very clearly) see that it places some lies out in the open. But then again, she was a huge controlling pain in the *rse who didn''t think about anyone but herself... so, at least she''s kept in check by another nutcase and not causing damage to other people.

What annoys me is that some people treat others with utter contempt and may end up having good lives... but we may never know. But I also accept that thinking in this way doesn''t do me any good since I''ve got to concentrate on making my own life awesome.

One thing that I have read is that marriages that occur as a result of affairs have a very high chance of failing. Plus, since they are both loathsome adulterous cheats, they will both have to be looking over their shoulder all the time because they both know what they are capable of. (I once told her this!)

Do I really want to wish them bad lives? Actually, I don''t want to wish them anything, since the pair of them are not worth a second more of my energy.

The truth is that there can be no more revelations. They both have to live with knowledge of their actions. My conscience is clear. I know who I''ll rather be.

JJ x

  • asram
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12 Oct 12 #360688 by asram
Reply from asram

Firstly ((((Hug))))

You see ''it was never about you''... All the blame that came your way was to cover up her lies.

Plus, since they are both loathsome adulterous cheats, they will both have to be looking over their shoulder all the time because they both know what they are capable of. (I once told her this!)

This is exactly what I told my ex, there will be no trust, and their relationship will begin on the back of other peoples heartache.

You can hold you head up JJ and the pain will ease, you know that.

Head up, shoulders back, move forward and enjoy the view from the moral highground.


  • InnerPeace
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12 Oct 12 #360695 by InnerPeace
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I have the same situation, only difference is, my STBX-mistress just came from asia for the first time in her life and within 1 month she and my husband were sleeping , and I came to know after 1.5 months, i told my husband he needs to stop or leave, he decided to leave, and since he knows my friends and team, he has been bad mouthing me to everyone that I am controlling and possessive and that there is nothing going on between him and his mistress.

Honestly, how low can u get !!

When i try to reason with his mistress and him, he cried HARRASSMENT and went to th police, and on the day i came to know he was cheating on me, i slapped him (after he pushed me in the corner..) and he again ran to the police, of my wife has physically abused me....I was so shocked and gutted, that i decided this guy is too low to even waste your atom on him.

Now he keeps on telling everyone, of I cannot get hold of reality that he wants divorce and i am hung ho on him....honestly, how bloody low can u get.

I am so tired of him, but do belive god is watching and there is karma, so you reep what u sow.

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12 Oct 12 #360699 by GETTING STRONGER NOW
my stbx is living with his step-niece who he cheated on me with. She is 20 years younger than him and we watched her grow up. he is also seeing a girl from work, also a lot younger.
I have all the responsibility of house, kids, dogs etc... while he lives a carefree life, going out, going on holidays , buying designer clothes, etc...
He also told everyone i was imagining it which is why he is still hiding the affair from his family...
But i have realised, after 12 months, i wouldn''t swap him for any price.. i have my pride, i can hold my head high, i have two wonderful kids who know they can trust and respect me.
I have spent a lot of time been jealous of these girls since our split now i would feel sorry for them if I could bring myself to care.
There is light at the end of the tunnel and i know when i get there some day soon i will not care how many girls he has as long as he doesn''t have me...

  • jjones123
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13 Oct 12 #360722 by jjones123
Reply from jjones123
I''m sorry to hear both of your stories; both are really horrible, and I find it difficult to understand why some people insist on treating others so badly. I believe in karma in the sense that their past actions are likely to be a fair predictor of how they will behave in the future. People who treat others badly are likely to have issues themselves and be damned not to have a contented life. The most important thing that we need to do is to concentrate on making our own lives as best as they possibly can.

InnerPeace, I know totally where you''re coming from. My ex tried to play the harassment card with me - when she was the one that was carrying on with someone else. They do it because it helps them to avoid dealing with the consequences of their own actions.

Getting the police involved (or threatening to get them involved) is the action of a coward. Hearing stories like yours (and reflecting on my own) makes me mad, because it is almost disrespecting those people who need to use the law in a legitimate situation.

Hugs to you both.

JJ x

  • Shoegirl
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13 Oct 12 #360728 by Shoegirl
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JJ let me share something that illustrates the point you make above about people being out for what they can get.

Just before one Christmas my father in law was talking to us pondering how they would get Grandad and Nanny home after the family meal as it was a good taxi ride away. I immediately offered to drive them home myself as not drinking over Christmas doesn''t bother me and I was really happy to help.

My father in law acted very strangely in response. He was quite dismissive about the offer and seemed suspicious of my motives. After we left my in laws house, I discussed this with my husband. I asked him whether his Dad was worried about me driving the Grandparents home as his reaction suggested that he was almost offended by my offering to drive them and I was only trying to help. I was thinking all sorts, does he think I''m a unsafe driver or something?

Quick as a flash, almost without thinking, he said oh no it''s not that. Dad will just be trying to figure out what you will want out of him in return before saying yes to the offer of a lift. I was stunned. Really taken aback. I explained that I loved my family and I was offering for that reason, not because I wanted something back in return for giving the grandparents a lift! It would give me great pleasure to do this, it wasn''t a chore!

And that example says it all really. Some people act out of love and can truly emotionally connect in relationships and others can be in relationships for what they can get from them. These people are emotionally unavailable.

My Stbx was brought up in that family context and left me just a few weeks after I was made redundant. He had someone else on the go and could see no further use for me. No money coming in and in the context of the affair, he had someone else so what further use was I to him?. It sounds bitter, it isn''t, it is a statement of fact. It took me a while to piece all the parts of the jigsaw together but now I understand my Stbx and more importantly why I didn''t spot the signs of Stbx and his issues earlier on in our marriage.

  • stepper
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13 Oct 12 #360730 by stepper
Reply from stepper
I can relate to that shoegirl - some people give and others take. We gave our ex. dil all the help we could both financially and emotionally. She took it for granted without a word of thanks until she no longer required it. She moved on at that stage without a backward glance.

All the signs were there from the beginning so we were not surprised. Looking back I doubt we would have acted any differently as we have two grandchildren and they were always at the forefront of our minds when our ex. dil required our help.

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