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Did you change your name after divorce?

  • OldskoolNewRules
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09 Jan 18 #498601 by OldskoolNewRules
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My x wants to keep my surname. Not sure why. I don't like that. If you don't want to be in the marriage, don't keep the name. Nothing like someone breaking your heart to make you possessive over intangibles. Really, though, I don't get it. My mum kept the name of her third husband. Makes me feel sick everytime I have to use 'her' surname. I should point out that he wasn't an ideal partner and a toxic presence.

I also don't really get the whole it's a lot of hassle argument either. Everything about this process is a massive load of hassle. What's one more thing, eh?

In fairness, I appreciate that it depends upon individual circumstances. In my case, she wants away, but wants to keep my name. At least I have negotiated her down from keeping both the house and my name.

I will be raising this with her once the house sale goes through. It may have no impact at all, but at least I will have tried.

  • Under60
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09 Jan 18 #498602 by Under60
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The problem with changing back to your Maiden Name, is you will then have a different name to your children, so will have to change their names too, which is more hassle and I'm sure the ex husband would kick off about that too? This is why we have to suffer the ex husband name until the kids leave school.

  • Bubblegum11
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09 Jan 18 #498603 by Bubblegum11
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I agree with under60. If you have kids with that name, you may as well keep it yourself. Also if tou’ve Been married a long time, it’s a lot of hassle to change and you get used to the name.

In any case. If she wants to keep the name, there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s hers to keep.

  • elizadoolittle
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09 Jan 18 #498606 by elizadoolittle
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I never changed my name, and when my ex suggested adopting mine I was appalled. So luckily it has not been an issue for me. However, this has meant that I never had the same name as my children. Nor did about half of the mothers I knew, or half of the mothers in the children's classes at school. For most people now it's really not an issue - I work in a school and I would say it is absolutely commonplace for mothers to keep their maiden names, sometimes it is clear from correspondence and email addresses that they go by both.
However I absolutely understand that while some can't wait to shed their partners' names, others want to keep them. Some because they've had it for longer than any other, some because of the children, some to annoy their exes, some because of the hassle, and others because they just cannot face giving up or being stripped of yet one more bloody thing.
And while I think the children's name thing is not an issue, I can see that feeling alienated from and different to one's children at such a fraught time can feel like another rejection.
Incidentally there is as the previous poster said, nothing you can do about it. Your ex is at liberty to go by whatever name she chooses as are you and indeed, when 16, your children. My children have changed theirs.

  • itsbeenalongtime
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09 Jan 18 #498613 by itsbeenalongtime
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Im keeping my married name as I have been mrs s far longer than I was miss ? but far more important is that its the same name as my children. Added to the fact that I didnt have a particularly good childhood and the thought of going back to my fathers surname would make me feel sick.
I didnt want a divorce. He has taken everything he can from me so he isnt getting everything.
Keep your chin up. It does get easier but its definitely a roller coaster.

  • polar
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10 Jan 18 #498627 by polar
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My x didn't like her Maiden Name. Maybe thats why she married me !!

On the subject of which name and for what reason. My daughter got married so the excuse in that direction was not valid as my daughter took her husbands name.

  • Donut99
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11 Jan 18 #498672 by Donut99
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My ex-husband formally took my name through Deed Poll but will not change it back to his pre marriage surname. Not quite sure why except that he might be embarrassed about changing it back. Both the kids took my name from the outset but he only changed his name later on.
Me and the kids find it weird eg if he met someone else and married them, how would they feel about potentially taking his ex's surname

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