That's really interesting Donut - it is so unusual for men to take their wive's name on marriage rather than the other way around. That wasnt why I didn't want my ex to do it though.
It wasnt' that I thought it emasculating (tho I suppose I didnt really like the idea that people would have thought I had asked him to do so). Rather, it was more that I didn't think he deserved it, for good or ill. It didnt seem to belong to him, or suit him. I mean, when he suggested it I blurted out, before thinking: 'but You're not a 'Doolittle'!
Though intellectually I think people should be able to call themselves more or less whatever they want, I am absolutely delighted, given how things turned out, that he is not running around (committing fraud etc) using my good name. (And by the way my name is interesting and memorable and his is not.)
You mention any future wife of his might be unhappy about it, but how do YOU feel?
To be honest I feel that he doesn't deserve to have my name and hate the fact that we are still linked. Another part of me worries that his poor finances will come back to haunt me. My name goes back a long way with history and he quite simply isn't part of that family line. His original surname on the other hand was his stepdads (whom he hates) and prior to that he had his birth dads name and also changed his own first name in his teens. Part of me thinks he is hanging on, its an identity thing and wanting his cake at the same time. He knows it annoys me!
You say you are worried about his finances affecting you. Please arrange your financial disossiation without delay. Here is the relevant section from my book:
If you had joint bank accounts or a mortgage together, your credit rating will be affected by your ex; indeed it may be even if you only shared an address. It’s a good idea to apply for financial disassociation, which you will have to do with all three of the credit reference agencies: Experian, Equifax and Callcredit. As a stay at home mum, there was little I could do when my ex stopped paying the mortgage; as it was in both our names this affects me still, but I have filled in the relevant forms to try to counter the fact that he went on using our address for years when applying for loans.
‘The reason I liken it to an STI is that if your relationship breaks down, separating or divorcing doesn’t make the linkage go away – problems can linger long after.’ Martin Lewis, MoneySavingExpert
coincidentally, I've just received an email response from Clearscore with a form to notify Experian. 2 and a half years later he has finally said that he has forwarded his post but I am still getting some.
I am unsure what I am allowed to do. In my first marriage we had children, we all had the same surname. We divorced and I re married taking on my new husbands name. My children still have their fathers surname. Sadly I am now getting divorced again!! Am I allowed to revert back to the same surname as my children, Or is it only my Maiden Name I can take?
I'm not a lawyer but I believe you can change your name to anything you like as long as it is not offensive.
It's a long time since I've thought about any of this (just got an email alert that you had added to this thread and have not gone over the whole of it) but from memory, some people revert to former names and others make up something new altogether to signify a new life. Others can't be bothered with the hassle or don't see why they should change anything. I have never changed my name in my life and having seen others do it, am happy to avoid the complication.
Seems to me you have a good case for reverting to the name of your children (though this becomes largely irrelevant as they get older, and some will change theirs in any case) or to anything you please. Good luck.
Thanks for replying. I only have sons, one is married the other just about to be married, So they will never change their names and any grandchildren would have their names too.
Its something for us all to think about, just wasn't sure I could legally do it. Thanks for letting me know.