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  • rumination
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02 Nov 17 #497338 by rumination
Topic started by rumination
The breakup, the separation, the fallout, the guilt and so much pain. That has passed but now there is a void. I should be happy that episode is now closed and I am no longer experiencing constant blame, fear and verbal abuse but the loneliness was unexpected. I have the career I keep so busy so that I dont have to think. I am an introvert so finding friends is hard. But what now. When I was fighting for this I had purpose but the sense of loss, grief and guilt is all consuming. What now, how do I go on. Please don't tell me I'm depressed. Any advice and guidance would be much appreciated :S

  • Clawed
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03 Nov 17 #497355 by Clawed
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Sorry you feel so low, maybe you are healing from the stress now the pressure is off, perhaps you buried the emotional part while you had the purpose and practicalities of the divorce to deal with and just need time to readjust.
Not very helpful while you feel purposeless but give time time, be kind to yourself and look for a new purpose. Spend some time looking at what you enjoy, what you would like to do if time and money were no object then try and find something within your means that ticks the same boxes. I took up several different hobbies none have stuck but they kept me focused on getting to know me while I was looking into them, I kept in mind the mantra 'this too shall pass'and it did. Hopefully other people will have suggestions of practical ways of getting out there and making contacts, as an introvert myself that wasn't what I needed but I tried it to start with just in case it was right for the new me, hanging out here gives me an interest and there's lots of stuff to read from people in the same boat, stick around until you feel better.

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03 Nov 17 #497361 by rumination
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I very much appreciated your reply. Good sound advice offered. I am attempting to do those things you mentioned but have a tendency to hang back. I will adopt your mantra instead of folding. Confidence is lacking when you have been the ringer and all around you are flaunting their wedding ring (my perception) and their happiness. You question yourself was the marriage so bad just for a second and you remember yes it was. I hope you have found contentment.

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06 Nov 17 #497427 by Declan
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Hello

Maybe you are still a little lost and don't really know who you are yet.We lose a bit of our identity in a relationship.

When i have asked people who are you. its I'm a pilot and husband of lovely children. Or I'm a housewife or I'm a plumber and a husband
it goes on.

Do you think that is who they really are? When they stop being a pilot or housewife or plumber and so on. Are they then nothing.

Of course not .

Who are you. Your passion what is your gift. Why do you say you are introvert. its a label that man has given with negative overtures. I know many kind quiet people who listen and are happy doing that. We are all different thats all.

Maybe you just a little lost and are at a crossroads and you compass as gone astray a while.

Do not worry try find that little girl inside of you give her her needs comfort her love her and you will soon be steered in right direction.

Warm thoughts

Dx

  • itsbeenalongtime
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07 Nov 17 #497464 by itsbeenalongtime
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I cant offer any advice as im in the same boat. Iv been Mrs S a lot longer than Miss. My whole world has been turned up side down. Nearly got the absolute and I know I will hit rock bottom again and as you say whilst fighting you have a goal. Now what? I hate going out because there is no one at home when I get back. But I do know I deserve to be happy. I know it will take a while but little steps and little goals I will get there.
Chin up and keep going.

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07 Nov 17 #497465 by rumination
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I had to attend a course for work and we had to introduce each other. The person i was speaking to asked about "my husband" as she assumed just because I had children that there had to be a husband. It threw me completely. Best I could muster was I don't have one and then awkwardness. I think I am hypersensitive as all of a sudden I hear people talking about their other half. Am at a stage where I well up every time I see something remotely romantic and think I will never feel that again. I am pretty pathetic presently but this talking on wiki seems to help. Kinda exciting when I see a new post. Omg I am pathetic :S

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07 Nov 17 #497466 by rumination
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I had to attend a course for work and we had to introduce each other. The person i was speaking to asked about "my husband" as she assumed just because I had children that there had to be a husband. It threw me completely. Best I could muster was I don't have one and then awkwardness. I think I am hypersensitive as all of a sudden I hear people talking about their other half. Am at a stage where I well up every time I see something remotely romantic and think I will never feel that again. I am pretty pathetic presently but this talking on wiki seems to help. Kinda exciting when I see a new post. Omg I am pathetic :S

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