A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020
Mon/Fri 9am-8pm       Sat/Sun 2pm-8pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Really struggling

  • Moona50
  • Moona50's Avatar Topic Author
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
More
2 years 3 months ago #503044 by Moona50
Really struggling was created by Moona50
Hi folks. Long time since I have been on here.

Dealing with some difficult stuff at the moment and I feel like back to day 1

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Hatton1
  • Hatton1's Avatar
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
More
2 years 3 months ago #503045 by Hatton1
Replied by Hatton1 on topic Re:Really struggling
Hi Moona,

I remember you from about a year ago, we were both struggling then.
My divorce is finally over and I am still waiting to feel something like relief but hopeful it will come one day.

Are you able to say why you are feeling like you are back at day 1 ? Don't worry if not. I am probably no more useful on the advice front than I was back then ! But I know it helps to feel you aren't alone.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Moona50
  • Moona50's Avatar Topic Author
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
More
2 years 3 months ago #503046 by Moona50
Replied by Moona50 on topic Re:Really struggling
Thanks Hatton. It's to do with a girl I was seeing post-separation.

We knew each other from a long time ago then got together for about 6 months. I ended it as my head was probably still screwed up from the [url=Resources/Library/Cohabitation-and-Separation_s33_m1852.html ]separation[/url]. Anyway, we finally ended for good tonight and it has messed me up completely.

It feels like the residual trauma from marriage ending has just punched me in the stomach. Had a few beers and the emotion is overpowering.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Hatton1
  • Hatton1's Avatar
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
More
2 years 3 months ago #503047 by Hatton1
Replied by Hatton1 on topic Re:Really struggling
I can't remember where I read this (as I read everything and anything obsessively for about a year), but it was suggested that ending your first relationship after a long term partnership break up actually hurts nearly as much, because it feels like another failure, and as you say takes you back to the original devastation.

Had a similar thing too. Almost felt worse because maybe I really am unlovable and destined for the scrap heap. Then realised I was no good to anyone until I fixed myself a bit. Now I seem to be reasonably happy with my own company and perfectly ok if it stays like that. Maybe I had just been desperate not to be alone and it wasn't right anyway.

Is breaking up what you want ? Any saving the situation ?
Just saying (sorry) be careful with the beer tonight if you aren't feeling great !!

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Moona50
  • Moona50's Avatar Topic Author
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
More
2 years 3 months ago #503048 by Moona50
Replied by Moona50 on topic Re:Really struggling
No, no saving it. I tried tonight but she has moved on. Understandable given that I actually ended it a few months back.

As you say it feels like another failure, a good opportunity that I let slip by almost in a deliberate self-destructive move.

Sometimes I think I am completely f**ked. Too many beers and wallowing tonight and a massive outpouring of grief I think. It is hard sometimes.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Hatton1
  • Hatton1's Avatar
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
More
2 years 3 months ago #503049 by Hatton1
Replied by Hatton1 on topic Re:Really struggling
I'm sorry it didn't work out tonight. But at least you tried so you can't regret not doing that.

Easy to say (and I still do it so I am being hypocritical here) but try not to beat yourself up about it being your fault. Betrayal by a spouse leaves a lasting legacy. I'm not the same person I was and doubt I ever will be. It colours everything differently. But I am learning that's ok too.

Wallowing is understandable and allowed...

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Moona50
  • Moona50's Avatar Topic Author
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
More
2 years 3 months ago #503050 by Moona50
Replied by Moona50 on topic Re:Really struggling
Thanks Hatton. I think at Times like this I feel
I need to reach out almost in desperation. Wallowing is something I do allow myself as I think it’s part of the process. But tonight was an onslaught of grief and emotion. Friends have been messaging and I am hugely lucky on that front. It is still acute, visceral pain tho.
I have stopped the beers and hit the sack.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11