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Really struggling

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2 years 3 months ago #503051 by Hatton1
Replied by Hatton1 on topic Re:Really struggling
Glad you've got good friends for support, makes all the difference.

Actually I think it's a good thing, reaching out. I still mostly keep it in which probably does no good but it's one of the few things I still had control over. I've admitted more about my emotions on wikivorce than in the 'real' world !!

I hope this doesn't sound trite, but the pain means you are still able to feel, and for the future that's a positive, even though it must feel anything but that right now.

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2 years 3 months ago #503054 by Moona50
Replied by Moona50 on topic Re:Really struggling
Thanks Hatton. Really appreciate the messages.

Early start to airport today for a flight. Still feel shaky but all ok.

Was just a really hard couple of days and seemed to knock me for six. I think the residual effects of [url=Resources/Library/Cohabitation-and-Separation_s33_m1852.html ]separation[/url] trauma are still being dealt with. I try and think that each of these difficult moments is a step along the line as hard as it is at the time.

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2 years 3 months ago #503056 by Hatton1
Replied by Hatton1 on topic Re:Really struggling
I agree it's a progress of sorts, I wish it wasn't one step forward, then 2 back ! I think resilience will continue to grow in time. At least I hope so. In a poor analogy, the perch is still shaky so it's easier to get knocked off, but at least you now know where the ladder is to climb back up.

This morning I am going to my solicitors to pick up the decree [url=Glossary/General/Absolute.html ]absolute[/url] and sign the house transfer to me. I should be happy it's finally over.

But last night I was watching something on tv, which sent me into floods of tears because it reminded me of him, of who he used to be anyway. Crazy nearly two years on, but hence haunting this forum late at night.

But mostly I think I am nearly there...

I am glad you feel ok (ish) today

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2 years 3 months ago #503072 by Moona50
Replied by Moona50 on topic Re:Really struggling
Good luck with the solicitors and another step down the line I think.

I love your perch ladder analogy. You are right, I had a complete meltdown over the last couple of days which was exactly like it was when I separated from my wife. I do know where the ladder is though.

My first reaction was to contact close mates and tell them exactly what I was going through. Then it was onto the forum to try and grab onto some help. In some ways it feels desperate but getting a response and some words of encouragement is really helpful. So thanks x

On holiday now with the kids and some other family so I am trying to be grateful for that. Pangs of pain keep tearing up though but that will dissipate. What I feel now is slightly disappointed in myself that I was so desperate to hang onto the relationship with the girl. I really liked her but I think there was something more driving the need to restart our relationship.

Anyway that is over now and all very amicable. Another lesson learned perhaps.

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2 years 3 months ago #503074 by Hatton1
Replied by Hatton1 on topic Re:Really struggling
I think it's brave to reach out for help and reassurance from friends or forums when you need it, not a sign of weakness or desperation. I often don't have the courage because I fear further humiliation.

You seem so very hard on yourself. Whatever you feel motivated it, surely it was better to have tried to salvage the relationship then forever wonder what might have happened if you hadn't ? I can hear the pain it's caused you but there is strength in self awareness too. Forgive yourself, nobody is perfect.

I hope you relax and enjoy the holiday as much as you can.

I have had a productive day off work, seen the solicitors, got the [url=Glossary/General/Absolute.html ]absolute[/url], now own a house, Car MOT done, and booked a holiday ! Pathetically terrified of taking the kids abroad on my own but sod it, onwards.

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2 years 3 months ago #503080 by Moona50
Replied by Moona50 on topic Re:Really struggling
Hatton well done on booking the holiday. I have been on several with the kids since splitting up. Each very difficult in some ways as it highlights the situation you are in. But also amazingly rewarding.

Just back from meal with 9 family on hols. All had a few drinks and was great fun but a few occasions when I thought about the last couple of days and it hits me like a sledgehammer. I have to work hard to keep it together in those moments. It’s so hard sometimes.

You sound like you’re doing well though Hstton and making some good origr we.

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2 years 3 months ago #503081 by Hatton1
Replied by Hatton1 on topic Re:Really struggling
Alone in a crowd ? The positive is you still managed to enjoy it where you could. The waves of pain are going to get easier but maybe try to accept them for what they are. You are hurting, that's allowed. I still get them from time to time, but when I think of how frequent it was at first I no longer get frustrated with myself. It's ok to regret, have memories that hurt. Means I am human (sort of).

I hope this doesn't sound sexist but I do think it must be harder for men. You have just suffered another trauma yet you are expected to keep it together. I can get away with dissolving in a puddle from time to time. But the feelings hurt just as much for everyone. Not really fair...

What hits you exactly, if that's not too intrusive. I guess I mean what is the main source of the pain ? Regret, sadness, loss ?

Yes I think we are doing well, I thought today might be slightly traumatic but no, it's been ok. Very excited about the holiday but I do understand what you mean about it highlighting the situation. Sad single mother on holiday with children alert. However in the spirit of always finding a positive, no one is going to be able to have a go at me for packing too much !! Kids definitely deserve it as he has abandoned them too.

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