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Sadness despite the right decision.

  • Strawberrypimms
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18 Aug 18 #503459 by Strawberrypimms
Topic started by Strawberrypimms
Two years on and despite splitting our finances my ex is still too involved in my life for comfort.
He has managed to stop the divorce before the Absolute insisting if we divorce it will affect our children's because of inheritance laws.
I feel free in my head so I am letting it continue for now but am determined one day it will happen.
My life is so much better now, though I suffer flashbacks and still feel traumatised by the entire process.
It was my decision to split after thirty years when I discovered he had a secret life I knew nothing of.
The shock was such even the family all agreed it was the only decision.
I don't see him often and don't like him much either, but because there are children can't cut contact.

I am absolutely certain that at my age I would never risk the terrible hurt and pain of a relationship again, but sometimes I see couples still happy after years together and could cry, why couldn't I have had that?
It wasn't a happy marriage but he would try again tomorrow, I would rather die than go back.
I have a good life friends, dogs and reasonable health so I should be happy, but does that feeling of regret of not having a wonderful relationship ever fade?
Do you become totally content with your own company?

  • hadenoughnow
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18 Aug 18 #503471 by hadenoughnow
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Hi,

You wrote: I have a good life friends, dogs and reasonable health so I should be happy, but does that feeling of regret of not having a wonderful relationship ever fade?

Do you become totally content with your own company?


I think many of us can empathise. You have been betrayed so will doubt even the happiest memories you have of your relationship.

It is easy to look at others and imagine they have the perfect life or relationship but that's just what's on the outside. People may have thought that about you and your ex.

The truth is that nothing is perfect. Getting over the imperfections takes hard work and tenacity. It can bring people closer or tear them apart.

It is important to be content with yourself but don't let your experience put you off building new friendships and being open to a new relationship. Just don't hold out for Prince Charming and George Clooney rolled into one ;). Think about things you have always wanted to do and find a way to do them. It could be jumping from a plane, volunteering to work abroad or becoming a guide dog puppy walker. Your choice :).

Oh and get some advice about finalising the divorce. You may have split your finances but has it been done fairly? Have you discussed sharing pensions? The stuff about inheritance seems nonsense to me. The assets are split, your affairs are separate and you each need to make new wills. You also need to make a new life.

If you are stuck, call the helpline for advice.

Hadenoughnow

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