I am two years into my separation, relatively content with my new life and this year aim to finally cut all financial connections and finalise my divorce.
My problem seems to be now life is calmer I can't stop remembering long ago bad times.
It's almost as if the new me can't believe the old me ever allowed such things to happen. I have talked with my adult children and they remember the traumatic violence too, but they love their father and have tried to forget it. One son can't, and carries huge problems as a result, but refuses all help.
I blame myself for not leaving years previously and am feeling intense anger towards my ex.
This is strange because I have stayed calm and controlled throughout almost as if I darent allow my real feelings to show.
I so want to get past this constant remembering and move on.
It sounds terrible but if he died tomorrow I would feel nothing but relief.
I have received help from counselling and am still on anti depressants but I can't reconcile everything he put me through.
It was enough for all four kids to agree I must divorce him, and the police and mental health team were involved too.
Can anyone advise how they coped?
I try to push the memories out of my head but lately they won't budge.
Hiya, I'm no expert but my advise would be to keep yourself busy, do what makes you happy, explore new hobbies and interests, spend time with family and friends, go on holiday, read books, socialise, travel etc. And most importantly love yourself and look after number one.
I was same position as you, my ex has had numerous affairs and is dating all the time, all the women leave him once they see his true colours.
Count yourself lucky that you escaped and you're free.
Thank you for taking the time to respond.
I am doing quite a few of the things suggested and they do help, but you can't be busy 24 hours a day, I tried!
Initially I was so occupied creating this new life I fell into bed exhausted for months, but now I have time to smell the roses these memories keep getting in the way.
I hadn't thought of holidays though, I have a dog and two cats so it will take some planning, but I'll start looking.