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Up and down

  • JDM1982
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1 year 4 months ago #508317 by JDM1982
Up and down was created by JDM1982
When my wife told me, totally out of the blue, that she couldn’t go on in the marriage, 4 months ago, I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. I’m actually shocked just how well I’m taking things. I’ve got my house in order, works going ok, life in general is fine. I’m having the odd low point but most the time I’m good. However, it’s times like this....... 3:15 in the morning and I’m laid awake missing my wife. Walking around the house in the dark thinking about all the things we used to be and do in this house. I haven’t slept in our room since it all started. I got in the spare bed and that’s were I still am now. She took the martial bed so I’ve decorated our room and bought a new bed but I can’t face sleeping in there. Everyone thinks I’m doing great, I am in a way but it’s these times that drain me. I’m annoyed that she’s probably sound asleep, probably laid next to her new man, while I’m walking the house like a ghost.

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  • Vigorate
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1 year 4 months ago #508319 by Vigorate
Replied by Vigorate on topic Re:Up and down
I know it's hard to do but don't bother yourself with thinking about what she is doing.

I am 18 months since [url=Resources/Library/Cohabitation-and-Separation_s33_m1852.html ]separation[/url] and still get some days (not often anymore) when I feel down when thinking about the \"good times\", but obviously they weren't good for her or she would not have left!

Its a shock to the system but time is the healer and you won't miss her at all soon.

Good luck.

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  • JDM1982
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1 year 4 months ago #508323 by JDM1982
Replied by JDM1982 on topic Re:Up and down
Thanks for the reply.
I just didn’t realise how much i relied on her. I’ve learnt how to do a everything around the house but it’s the loneliness that’s the killer. The sound of silence is deafening. I’ve got sky Q with all the movies, Netflix etc just trying to occupy my mind but nothing works. I spend every night on my own, got no friends. I give them all up, thought she was the friend I needed. It’s a brutal existence at the moment and although I do know that one day it’ll be ok, it’s a struggle to see it. I need to accept things but my brain is struggling to see how someone who told you they loved you every day, who stood there and promised you til death do us part, can leave the marriage like switching a light off.

I do appreciate your reply though and I’m glad your getting through it.

Thank you

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  • Lostboy67
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1 year 4 months ago #508324 by Lostboy67
Replied by Lostboy67 on topic Re:Up and down
Hi,
You are only 4 months into this nightmare, and so early on you most of us had good and bad days. Its important to accept those bad days and not beat yourself up about them, there is no fixed time to 'recovery' and everyone is different.
As for why your s2bx left, try not to waste energy on this, even if you knew what difference would it make now? focus your energy on you and working to build a new reality.
Have you considered joining a gym or sports club, these can be good ways to rebuild your social network.

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1 year 4 months ago #508325 by JDM1982
Replied by JDM1982 on topic Re:Up and down
I’m actually a bodybuilder. So the gym is one thing I’ve had through this bullshit.
I agree in what your saying. I need to flip this and make the best of it, not easy to do I know but I’ve gotta try. I’m already trying to focus on the gym, work etc but it’s the night when things are unbearable. When it’s just you, your mind and the darkness.

Thank you the replies. It really does help. In times like this, even a total strangers sympathetic words and advice can make a massive impact

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  • Cheesestring
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1 year 4 months ago #508328 by Cheesestring
Replied by Cheesestring on topic Re:Up and down
In life there are always ups and downs but please don't beat yourself up about it. I've been separated for almost 2 years and I was the same as you a year ago. Now I'm in a much better place, I have amazing children and a caring loving family. I do something different on the weekends to make it special.

Have you thought about travelling or taking up other hobbies/interests? Maybe golf? It's outdoors and calm environment. Or boxing? Release any anger/frustration. Swimming?

When I was feeling just like how you are I was getting depressed, my family and friends noticed and they pulled me out of it. Please use this website even if it's just to talk. You will get good advice.

Remember to put yourself first, you are number 1!!!

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  • JDM1982
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1 year 4 months ago #508329 by JDM1982
Replied by JDM1982 on topic Re:Up and down
Seriously, all great advice and much needed sympathy.

It’s amazing how much your own mind can be your very best friend and save your life it dangerous times but on the other side, be your worse enemy and will you to self destruct.

Having been put in this situation, it’s certainly opened my eyes to divorce and the scale of it.

Why is marriage even a thing these days!?

No one seems to take it serious or fight for it. I mean look, we can all lie and say I didn’t nothing wrong or at least to justify divorce but I like many others, did nothing wrong. I honestly was a devoted husband.

Ah, it’s pointless going over it and looking for reasons.

Time to accept my fate and try to make lemonade

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