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Loneliness

  • ark13112003
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18 Nov 07 #6936 by ark13112003
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Seperated from my wife about 5 weeks ago after 15 years of marriage. I miss her terribly, but no chance of reconcilliation.

My question is how do people live with the loneliness of living without a long standing partner? What do people do? Apart from endless drinking sessions with my mates, there must be more to life than this!

Also, at the age of 42 I feel it very unlikely that I will ever be able to meet another partner ... do you think that I'm being overly pessimistic?

Any thoughts greatfully received.

  • Angel557
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18 Nov 07 #6937 by Angel557
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Oh ark your writing yourself off already your only 42 , still plenty of time left.I've been seperated 27 months i do still sometimes feel lonely as i feel i have'nt got anybody around me at times only my children and i need adult conversation,i did meet someone after my marriage broke down but that did'nt work out either, did'nt give myself enough time, but now i'm more than ready to live.It's still early days for you i wish i found this site in my early days but you will get through this just need to give yourself time.Do things you have'nt done before i dunno go to a concert , travel somewhere anywhere our little country has plenty to do and see , being down the pub all the time gets tedious after a while.

  • scottishlady
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18 Nov 07 #6938 by scottishlady
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Hi Ark....

Yes...I think you are being a tad pessimistic here....
42?.... you are young!!!!!
I am 44... and I dearly hope that somewhere (much farther) down the line, I may be fortunate enough to 'find' someone with whom I can 'share' again....
For the first time in nearly 4 months, since my STBX left me, last night was the first time I felt 'lonely'.... it wasn't nice... but, hey, today's another day....
Fortunately...I don't mind my own company... although sometimes I find myself tedious:P
I am not one for pubs....but I read.. I spend time with friends.... I work.... I enjoy my garden (weather permitting)... I go to the cinema... to the theatre.... out to eat.... spend time with my gorgeous daughter.... not much on tv, but sometimes put a dvd on and watch a movie....
It's difficult when you've been part of a 'twosome'.... but it CAN be overcome....
Kindest Wishes
SL

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18 Nov 07 #6959 by sapele
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Ark

I know exactly how you feel, I recently found out my OH had been having an affair and promptly kicked him out - he's still seeing her. I first I felt ok I can do this and now I just want him back, I can't bear the silence - just to hear his car on the drive. My family live 200 miles away so not great immediate support, not told work although son 21 (previous marriage) finding it really hard to deal with. How did this happen? I don't know if I can continue to cope, I try - the house has never been cleaner, wonderful!!

I just want my nightmare to be over. Sometimes, during my stronger moments I think I can do this and then other the silence is so deafening I crumble. So yes I know how you're feeling ....

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18 Nov 07 #6960 by topaz
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you can be lonely IN a marriage,I know I was.At least if I were lonely now it's by my own choice and not a situation forced on me by my sx2b.At present I am alone but if I want company I sign on here or put my coat on and go out.

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18 Nov 07 #6967 by Canary
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Ark
I'm in the same boat as you.
6 weeks on my own after 13 years of marriage.
Kids come one night a week and after that I do feel lonely. During the week is ok as there is work and things to do with mates etc (they do rally round). Wife took with her our mutual friends since these tended to be linked to the children. My family are all over 100 miles away so that is difficult too.

I can't get into reading, or doing new things yet there is too much on my mind.
Everywhere I go I look at ring fingers to see if anyone doesn't have one (they mostly do it seems!)

I do hold out though for the crumb of comfort from friends who have been through it. They say that it does take a while but there is light at the end of the tunnel. If and when you meet someone it more often than not is more richer and fulfilling a relationship since you know what you want and lay all cards on the table. The ifs the worrying thing - will you actually meet someone.

Probably not much help other than you are not alone and there are others of us in the same boat. Wondering how on earth after all these years we ended here.

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18 Nov 07 #6970 by pink
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Hiya! First of all, let me tell you that drinking is NOT the answer! My ex was always a drinker, which is one of the reasons I left him! He phoned me around half an hour ago (tonight!!!!), drunk again, to verbally abuse me! It's getting to be a regular occurence now! I'm lonely too, and his mind games just add to the lonliness, hurt and misery he's causing me! He seems to 'get off' by kicking me while I'm down!

I left him at the end of July 2006, taking my kids with me! Every night when the kids have gone to bed, I feel so alone! The only thing that keeps me going is knowing my kids are upstairs! I try my hardest to chat with my close friends everyday, even if only via text! They're such a great emotional support for me! So are my parents! Kids are fantastic, although I do my damndest not to let them know the pain I'm suffering!

My advice to you, is don't rush things! Decide what areas of your life you want to 'springclean' then work out ho to achieve your goals! Small steps! Friends are great, but make sure you don't abuse their kindness! Use a different friend for different problems, that way they don't feel burdenned! Trust me on this one!

Time is a great healer, even though it might not feel like it right now! Keep smiling - positive attituse, positive mind! VERY attractive to potential new partners (NOT YET THOUGH!)

Kind regards,

Jo x

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