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Really,really, ready to Date!

  • Onelife
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04 Jan 08 #9968 by Onelife
Topic started by Onelife
Hi all

I guess we've all been told by well meaning friends "you need to get back out there", "meet someone new and you'll be happy" sorry and everything, but that was total mens bits advice for me. Dating (I did it all, internet, set up by friends) just made me even more depressed about my situation. So I stopped doing it, went to Ann Summers to keep me sane and have concentrated on dealing with the crap.

Its nearly 3 years (after 20yrs together)and I only just feel ready to meet someone now!

My baggage is packed, my emotions dealt with, and finally, finally... I know I dont love him, nor for that matter - like him, I've reached the finishing line... indifference. Yay!! That allows me to move into a new relationship with a clean slate and an open heart and ready to embrace a new life and a new love and chuck out the gadgets from Ann Summers... ok, maybe thats a bit tad enthusiastic, they are very clever after all...

Am so interested to see how everyone else has felt about moving on. Please tell me your stories...

  • Specialdad
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04 Jan 08 #9970 by Specialdad
Reply from Specialdad
Everyones different. Some get over the ex in a year and move on. I know a woman who divorced 18 yrs ago and is still too scared to go out with men.

  • gone1
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05 Jan 08 #10025 by gone1
Reply from gone1
SD's right. We all take different amounts of time to get over the breakup. I am glad you are ready and not one of the lost and the lonely (I call them) so get out there. But U wont realy know for sure that you are ready until you start dipping your toe in the water. Just learn from the mistakes you made (we all made them) and check them out properly. THat means look at the history and CV of that person. Remember that a lepourd rarely changes there spots. Someone who has cheated in the past will cheat again. Someone that has beat or abused someone will also re-offend. They cant help it.

There are also a lot of damaged (not there fault) out there and you dont want to be rescuing a basket case.

Some hard words above. Yes I am a recovering basket case and I am one of the lost and lonely (in recovery) and I have some serious issues so a friend told me the other day :). So I speak from experience. Yes I am also a victim of someone else's problem and I am not sure if I will ever recover. But I am doing my best. So dont pick someone like me!!!!

Go for it. Chris.

  • Elle
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05 Jan 08 #10032 by Elle
Reply from Elle
I am really happy for you Onelife and what wise words of experience Chris.
With all my gore, I guess I am lucky in that I am completely indifferent to my x2b and sad that I never in fact ever loved him. I have explored the dating scene and had some good n bad experiences, but for now am content to be independant, live alone and can have the only thing I need from a man as and when I want it with no strings attached!

  • Angel557
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05 Jan 08 #10036 by Angel557
Reply from Angel557
Good for you onelife, i'm not ready for the dating scene just yet , proberbly because i went straight into another bad relationship after my marriage, i know how to pick them.I'm very much the same as chris 1 of the lost lonely souls and a basket case, but like chris i'm sure i will get there in the end. :)

  • attilladahun
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05 Jan 08 #10049 by attilladahun
Reply from attilladahun
Chris talks a great deal of sense

  • Onelife
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14 Jan 08 #10639 by Onelife
Reply from Onelife
Thanks all!:)

Funny thing is though Chris - I am lonely, but sort of ok with it. I'd rather be alone and lonely than with him and lonely. To be honest I'm slightly concerned that I have become too independent and selfish to be anyones partner, but am hoping I'll soon get back into the swing of things.

Also, (and this is a bit shallow, I know) but I find myself looking for the things I know I dont want in a person first, rather than the things I do want. I look for all the negative things first rather than the positive. It's the only aspect of my life I do this in. Not sure if it's because I'm more damaged than I thought or if I'm just too damn fussy. Does anyone else do this?

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