A trusted journalist who has written some excellent articles about divorce in the past – and always gives Wikivorce a good mention – is once again looking for our help.
What the journalist needs is anonymous stories about how the divorce process works – or doesn’t work for women in particular ( although our male members may well have stories to share too …) She says: “We are just looking for women’s own opinions from their own experience. Was it fair? Do lawyers make the system better or worse? Is it weighted in their favour or not? Did their divorce turn into a protracted legal battle and if so, why, what were the complicating factors? Were they given enough advice and support? Did they know what they were getting into? And anything else that comes up!!”
It comes in the wake of the Kavanagh case – where a couple spent their entire marital fortune in protracted litigation when their marriage ended. The ex-husband wanted custody of the children and she fought him. Despite the fact that both are solicitors, they allowed themselves to be sucked into the legal system. Anna Kavanagh says she was naïve in her assumptions about the legal process of divorce saying, ‘You don’t know how long the process is going to be, or how much it’s going to cost you at the beginning. You only see that with hindsight.’
The journalist says “Some of the women who work at with me have also had very bad experiences of divorce. One said that it was the worst experience of her life, she felt like she was fighting for her life when she was at her lowest ebb – and that the lawyers don’t take into account your emotional feelings. I’m trying to find out what other women feel”
If you have views or experiences to share and would be happy to talk (anonymously) to the journalist concerned – either by telephone or via email, please send me, Hadenoughnow, a PM and I will forward her name and contact details. Alternatively you may post your views and experiences on this thread to be forwarded to her for use in the article.
When writing, please do remember that we are very lucky here at wiki to have some excellent lawyers and other professionals who offer their time and expertise freely and who are very much appreciated for it .
I hope your journo friend makes the distinction between the divorce suit, the financial proceedings and the children proceedings. Lumping it all under ''divorce'' is the usual media approach.
"The cost of disputes over where the separating parties'' children live and how much contact is permitted to the non-resident parent, can far outweigh the disputes over finances" - that''s a line I would like to see in the media.
I thought I would share my positive experience with you so that if any of you have been considering chatting to the journalist mentioned in this thread you will be reassured.
I sent hadenoughnow a pm in response earlier in the week, enclosing my contact details. I received a telephone call from the female journalist yesterday outlining her article and making an appointment, convenient to me, to conduct the interview.
I have just had that call, she phoned at exactly the time agreed and it took one hour. Her approach is professional, empathetic and confidentially secure. All names, locations and other identifying details will be changed. Once she has written it up, I will receive a copy by email for my approval prior to anyone else seeing it.
There were no difficult or embarrassing questions, nor did she put words in my mouth. I did not feel rushed or under any pressure and felt she was genuinely interested in portraying the true prospective of the impact divorce can have.
As many of you know, I have been divorced since 2005, how I wish Wiki had been around then, and am now back facing a difficult ex who unilaterally stopped paying SM.My divorce went right to a FH with my ex hiding assets, non-disclosure and abject lies. My solicitors at the time cost me in excess of £40,000 and did not achieve the outcome they had predicted.
Speaking to the journalist has given me the opportunity to say how and why, in hindsight, I would do things differently. I was floundering and balanced on the edge of despair, hence my user name, when I found wiki and felt I could show my gratitude for the amazing support and valuable advice it gives. In a nut shell, Wiki is a life-line.
Having experience two totally different law firms, the ones I have now are what " Specialists in Family Matters" should be. Whilst I could tell her about the divorce process and more importantly the horrors of Financial Remedies, my daughter had gone to university so I did not have contact orders, child maintenance or CSA to go through.
If any of you feel you might want to explore the idea of speaking to her further, please ask any questions or PM.
For me it has been positive and in some ways cathartic, I hope the eventual publication will point future ones going through the nightmare, in the right direction for help & support.