My wife left me last Sept and has moved into rented accommodation. She has a long histoty of alcohol abuse and it is not until I went to some recent counselling sessions that I realised how much the children and I have been thru.
She has torn me apart and I am completely devastated and heartbroken, she has caused me so much hurt but I still love her to bits. She wants a divorce and if it ever comes to this I want it to be as non confrontational as possible. I just want my wife to get better no matter what, can I threaten to challenge any divorce on the grounds of her problem in an attempt to force her to get help??
Oh dear, I think I know what you have been through. My wife's parents were both alcoholics and her children reacted to this by becoming confirmed, dyed in the wool, teetotallers..
Whether you can challenge any divorce proceedings brought by your wife depends on what grounds she tries to use. It isn't
very obvious what grounds she would have. It's equally clear that you would have grounds, but don't want to use them. In any event you can't defend proceedings on the basis that you want to force your wife to seek help.
I'd try Alcoholics Anonymous and ask for their advice as to how to put your wife in touch with help. But in the final analysis I doubt if there's much you can do to force your wife to seek treatment.
It is very difficult to get someone to get help. All you can do is ask her and hope she sees sense in one of her more lucid moments.
Your alcoholic wife needs to realise how destructive her behaviour is.
I had the same problem with my x and he never came to his senses, despite a stint in rehab he is still drinking.
Your wife has got to admit she has a problem and seek help.
I know exactly what you have been thru,my ex is an alcoholic or maybe an ex alcoholic i dont know at the moment!!
After four yrs of devasting our family with his drinking he finally got help and went to treatment centre and AA.
He maintains he is alcohol free!! We r not convinced.
18 months on however he is working and functioning.
His behaviour no longer affects as as we live apart and I am currently divorcing him. You cannot stop your wife from drinkin no matter what u do!! believe me I tried.
They will only stop when they decide and when they have reached rock bottom!!
I had already reached the end of my tether and had to concentrate on protecting myself and children by the time he decided to get help. I had had enough and it was too late for the marriage.
Put urself and the children 1st stand up for yourself I know its hard as you love and care for her.
I had neglected to care for myself as I was so busy caring for him.
However, as a therapist told my alcoholic husband you will survive you will get thru this but your wife and children will pay the consequences.My children our hyper alert about alcohol and people drinking as a result. My 7 yr old son thinks drunk men are going to get me!!My ex is now livin with his new gfriend claims to be alcohol free!! and I am fightin for a diveroce.
It is like living with a heroin addict and you have to put a stop to it know!! your kids need you. You dont have to shut her out completely but you must get on with your life
Ihave just stumbled on to the website trying to find help on buying out my alcoholic husband of 10 years. For the past 2 it has been a living hell for me. I have a good job, big house, no kids and he spends all day in the pub, not working, lying and constantly abusing me about my career. He is in debt, financing his drinking through credit cards - I stopped bailing him out years ago. Very sad as he has a great skill but the drink has taken over and that is his major priority. I feel very alone and scared about being in the same house as him but he has finally agreed today on a figure that he will accept and move out. I now have to get a legal separation drawn up and hope he will go and leave me to start a new life.
To those of you going through the same thing I truly sympathise as whatever we do to offer help and support, it seems to be the victims who are the bad guys in the eyes of an alcoholic.