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Please help dave.p with domestic violence issue

  • mike62
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28 Jan 08 #12195 by mike62
Topic started by mike62
Posting on behalf of a new user - dave.p He just joined wikivorce tonight. He has an issue with his wife. They have been together for 5 years, married 18 months. Recently (last 6 months) his wife has been beating him up. Last occasion a week ago. Dave doesn't want to report it to the police as he doesn't want to get her into trouble. Dave has been to his GP on the pretext that he is having relationship difficulties and has been prescribed antidepressants. He feels that they are doing nothing for him. He doesn't know what to do next. He thinks that he may still love his wife, but he isn't so sure. They were together a long time before marriage and Dave said 'for two people who waited for so long to tie the knot and it all end i
was prepared to put up with it'

What do people think he should do?

He isn't confident to post this up, so I did it for him


  • suzy_sue46
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28 Jan 08 #12199 by suzy_sue46
Reply from suzy_sue46

I`m glad you`ve found this forum, it will be a great comfort to you. You know you`re own situation but domestic violence of any sort is not ok. Most people assume it is the women who suffer this is not always the case, there are help groups out there, I know relate know of some. If you want to make the marriage work then get help for both of you, try couple counselling of course the major thing is that your wife acknowledges what she has done. Good luck

Sue x

  • maxx
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28 Jan 08 #12201 by maxx
Reply from maxx
1st of all welcome yo wiki!!!
can understand why you would put up with it,but you shouldnt have to,talk to her let her know how you feel and if things dont change then you may have to seriously consider divorce.. and thet is no easy way out either..

  • tricia079
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28 Jan 08 #12202 by tricia079
Reply from tricia079
Hi Dave

Sorry to hear about your situation but you are in the right place for support.

Domestic violence is never acceptable and is often hidden. I think you need to talk to your wife about it and try to get her to agree to see the doctor with you. There are some illness' that could be changing your wife's behaviour and these need to be investigated. She may need anger management.

You can get help for yourself from a support group or counselling. Most counsellors have the number of support groups or your GP may have the number. Doctors are never shocked or amazed by things, they have heard it all before.

Good luck

  • Angel557
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28 Jan 08 #12204 by Angel557
Reply from Angel557
Being a victim of domestic violence myself i have learnt it's all about power and control.You stay or stayed as you were brain washed they abused you they said sorry you believed them, til you see that look in their eyes the next time and you know what's coming again, do you keep taking it til you can take no more or do you leave and leave now whilst you can.Bullies do not change over night they don't even realise they are doing it or so they say, so i would say you need to leave and soon.

  • zozo
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29 Jan 08 #12210 by zozo
Reply from zozo
I do agree with Angel. It is all to control you and geting there own way. these sort of people are very selfish and think only about there hapiness, they tight you over the time and it become harder and harder to leave them.
Take care.

  • TMax
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29 Jan 08 #12212 by TMax
Reply from TMax
Hi Dave

I see there are two posts on this tonight, looks like its one of those days.

OK One thing for sure you are getting the right info it is up to your wife to change, not a dam thing you can do to get her there.

I was married to mine for 26 years 17 of those years were me trying to change her, this included finding her hidden bottles & I mean hidden anywhere from the cistern to the garden rockery and under turf. Unknown to me both her parents were alcoholics, no wonder she never mentioned them or invited them to the wedding.

In the later years I ended up in hospital and stab wounds, head injuries, cracked ribs where she had hit my in my sleep, I also never reported it making up excuses of my own. When she left she left like a kin whirlwind emptying everything and taking everything leaving a debt in high £*****.** your welcome to read my blog on the kind of Christmases I was left with.

I can tell you now, DO NOT under any circumstance not report the abuse. Once you have made your mind up what you are going to do, do it, getting divorced is as far as Im feel the better option, but that is because what’s happened to you happened to me for a lot longer, I see it now as 17 years of my life wasted.

The lies that will come from an alcoholics mouth will be outstandingly hurtful & very imaginative, the danger of them loosing their drink/meal ticket is their biggest fear, do not let her tread you down from here on make a note of times, dates, what happened, what hospital you went to, what for, police report numbers, You can also go to the council and get help in moving to a safe house if you want to get out before you start the ball rolling, but you will need police reports to do this. Don’t give in to it wont happen again because it will and again and again.

8 years down the line of divorce and mine is still drinking still causing divorce problems, does runners when she cant face the courts, and now coming out with more lies, that I was the one beating her up that’s why she drank, she is carrying on going to drag the kids through court even though she knows that what they are saying is that I never touched her, she is calling them liars and that they were the cause of the divorce she is bringing my family into it also with lies. So you can see that getting police involved and getting reports is a must also doctor reports if you can.

The mind of an alcholic is no different than that of a druggy, your taking away there need, you become the enemy.

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