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texts from the ex

  • nessienoo
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16 Feb 08 #14089 by nessienoo
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Hi

I have been in a relationship with a man for 4 years who has been separated from his wife for 9 years. He is currently divorcing her.
Last night she got hold of my mobile phone number from her 17 year old son and sent me a text saying that as my partner had sent his son some money for his holiday she was going to throw him out as he had gone behind her back.
I have never contacted this woman previously but as I had just left the Graduation Ceremony for my eldest daughter I was feeling very sad that whilst I was being a proud parent she was throwing her son out for no fault of his own.
I rang her son to check he was ok and he was. I then made the mistake of texting her back simply saying that maybe she should think about her actions as it seemed a bit of a rash thing to do.
I then went out for a meal with my partner and when I returned home I had 3 texts from her and 2 from her daughter (not my partner's child) calling me all the names under the sun, calling my youngest daughter, saying that my partner had recently been there and had said he was going to 'dump my fat arse', saying that a few months ago he had been there and implied he had tried it on with his ex wife.
Of course I asked my partner if any of this was true even though I know deep down it isn't, he has denied it all (we live 200 miles from her and he hasn't visited the house since July 2006 when he stayed over 2 nights to look after his son who had just been diagnosed with Diabetes - his ex did not stay at the house that weekend) and of course I want to believe him.
He says that she is just trying to get a reaction from him as since it has been in the hands of the solicitors he has ignored all of her nasty texts to him. He says that she is trying to play with my mind.
Well boy has she achieved it, I hardly slept last night.
My partner incidently has always paid maintenance to her and their son and stll does, he has always been a good father to him.
I want to tell myself that she is just a woman scorned but I am scared. Why do people have to be so nasty? I am upset and hurt by all of this and feel that I don't deserve it.
Part of me wants to contact her back but the other part says leave well alone - I know which one I should listen to. But I am so cross by the allegations she has made.
My partner has recently left the forces and although he is divorcing her she is taking him to court for his pension/lump sum.
I cannot believe any woman culd be so vindictive to another woman.
Any suggestions or anyone who has had similar experiences?

  • Elle
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16 Feb 08 #14093 by Elle
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Hi Ness,
Of course you are hurt and dont deserve it but as you say......person scorned and all that. My experiences were from....my x....this went on for months at the beginning.....I could have saved myself a lot of upset and energy if I had ignored and not reacted to these nasty calls and texts from the start....when I did this......he eventually stopped as he was not getting the satisfaction of knowing they upset me. Its amazing the depths people sink to in separation...using the ols sticks and stones theory...you will only be upset if you allow these scornful remarks to do so.
Best wishes
Elle

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16 Feb 08 #14096 by nessienoo
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Hi Elle
Thankyou so much for your reply.

I am still feeling very sore this morning and have had more tears. I know I need to rise above it and I will in time.

The sun is shining and part of me wants to go and do lots of lovely things but the other part of me wants to curl up and cry.

My daughters are still in bed and I know I need to be strong before they get up.

To make matters worse my partner has had to go out until 4pm to help a mate out. He has contacted me already tho to check I am ok.

I love him dearly and want to look forward to a happy future together.

So far in our short time together we have had to deal with his Mum's death, his own serious illness, him leaving the forces and now this. I just feel that we are constantly on trial to see if our relationship is strong enough. Is it 'The course of true love.......'?

I have been married twice before and so have had my fair share of rubbish in the past.

I was at my daughters Graduation Ceremony yesterday with her father and we had her when we were 19, she is now 22 and it was so lovely to be there together for her.

Maybe I am just naiive and think that all Mums love their children like I do

Your advice is to ignore the texts - you are right - thankyou.

Sorry to ramble!
Ness

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16 Feb 08 #14099 by Elle
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Hi Ness,
Its good to get things off your chest and move on from it as you are doing. Sometimes I also curl up and cry, lick the wounds, get back up, dust down and get on.....feflect on the wonderful day you had yesterday and all the positive of that will drown the immaturity of the texts
Elle

  • soon2bsingle
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16 Feb 08 #14100 by soon2bsingle
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Hi Ness

I agree with Elle, ignore the texts, rise above them. It is obvious that since she is not geting a reaction from your partner she is trying to get one from you.

It takes time to trust when we have been hurt in the past, but go with your instincts on this one, believe your partner. His ex is trying to make trouble.

Your daughter is very fortunate to have supportive parents who can overcome their own differences to be there for her. You had a special day, but you will have made her day so much more special by supporting her together. It gets me so cross when children are used in the crossfire, like your partners ex is using their son.

Forget about the texts and remember the proud day you had yesterday. Look forward to your partner coming home at 4pm and have a lovely evening together.

  • gone1
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16 Feb 08 #14101 by gone1
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Hiya.Yea this and more. Sending txt's is small beer realy. I have been dragged out of a shop by my ex's BF and was threatned by all kinds of things if I went in the shop again. My ex's daughter works there. I never contacted her or spoke to her. So was totaly unjustified. I have also been sent foul txt's. The police were not interested. People get very fired up over divorce and seperation. I suspect that she want to wreck your relationship with your partner. Just ride it out. Chris.

  • ariesgirl63
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16 Feb 08 #14113 by ariesgirl63
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Hi Nessie,

Please don't let the bitterness of this other woman ruin your relationship. She is trying to plant a seed of doubt in your mind which will only grow and grow if you let it. When I split from my husband he would often send me texts at all times of day and night to upset me, i would retaliate and things would just escalate. In the end my new partner used to take my phone off me when he knew my ex had texted. The best course of action, as you already know, is to ignore her and don't let her get any satisfaction out of the hurt she has already caused you. You have asked the question of your partner and he has answered you. You must believe in him and not question your relationship further. If you never had any doubts about him before these texts then why should you now. As for mother's and their children, not everyone is like you. I know of a mother who regularly locks her 18 yr old son out of the
house, took his bank card off him so that he couldn't access his EMA money, ignores him in the street etc. Now she is threatening him with 'eviction' because she wants to move her new lover and his son into her house and wants his bedroom for the lover's son!! Motherley love eh!! I hope you quickly find your way back to the happiness that you had before all this sillyness started. It is a shame that your partner's ex chooses to act this way but perhaps it will bring your partner and his son closer together. There is a reason for eveything - you just may not know why just yet. Enjoy your child's successes and work on building up your happy relationship with your partner, don't let him see that you have any continuing doubts or worries otherwise that will only lead to a self fulfilling prophecy. Best wishes xx

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