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just cant go on,,,,

  • choices
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16 Mar 08 #16976 by choices
Topic started by choices
I have been married for 24 years, of which 10 of them have been very unhappy.There is no violence, there isnt anything, he refuses to talk to me at all. he goes to great lengths to avoid me in the house. Thats fine, ive accepted it now, and I need to move on. however, we have two teenage boys who he insists will stay with him in the FMH. My husband is quite happy with the situation,he comes and goes as he pleases. I need to leave, and im sure my youngest will certainly come with me. The only thing im having doubts about is people say I must stay as I will lose out. lose what? im not sure, I assume they mean financially, but if it is money, how can I lose out, surely everything has to split 50/50.
We both work full time earning the same amount of money, both names are on the mortgage. Although he has said he isnt selling the house, and I dont want him to until the youngest has finished school.
can someone please advise if it is better to stay or leave, al(althought im not sure if my health will suffer if I do decide to stay put....

  • mike62
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17 Mar 08 #16992 by mike62
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choices,
First question - how old are your sons? How long until they are both out of fulltime education?

Reason I ask is that the parent with care will seek child maintenance from the other parent - 15% of nett income (post tax and NI and pension) for one child rising to 20% for two children.

If your youngest stays with you, then one offsets the other.

If he stays in the marital home and the boys both stay with him, you will have to fund your new housing costs, plus pay him up to 20% of nett income as child maintenance.

I realise that you are desperately unhappy and need to get on with your own life, but this may cost you a lot of money. Also, if he stays in FMH until eldest leaves full time education, your capital settlement in the home is tied up for a long time, unless he will agree to buy you out of your share.

I realize too that personal sanity is far more important than money, but just want to be sure you understand wht impact this might have financially.

Mike

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17 Mar 08 #17060 by choices
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Thanks Miks

The boys are 14 and 17 - ideally they should stay with me, because he works a shift pattern, but he says I will have to fight for custody of the kids, and everything else i want.
As i feel now, i could quite easily walk away, and give him the house etc. its only money......
its just so easy to stay, but im so unhappy i spend most of my time in tears.

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17 Mar 08 #17069 by mike62
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At 14 and 17 the views of the children are the deciding factor. It is who they want to be with. Yes, he can manipulate, but he is creating issues for himself in the future. Kids know who they trust. To be devisive at this stage will cause a lot of damage to the boys.

You are entitled to a minimum of 50% of the marital asset pot. Depending on yours and his incomes and future earnings potential, maybe more.

Again, depending on your incomes, he might also be liable to pay maintenance for you too.

He might think that he is going to win every battle, but the law id there to protect you too. He won't get it all his own way.

Are the boys aware of the situation? DO they know you are planning to leave? Have you spoken to them about it?

If you can post up the following, someone may be able to give you an estimate of what you might expect as a settlement:

Yours / his income including any bonuses or benefits
Your / his pension value
House value, equity and outstanding mortgage
Any significant assets over £500
Any savings
Any debts (personal or marital)
2 children age 17 and 14.

Best of luck
Mike

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