Why do our brains torment us?

This is hard for so many reasons. But my brain isn''t making it much easier on me. For some reason, my mind keeps forcing me to consider the fact that she will be intimate with other guys. That they''ll touch her, comfort her, she''ll like it, even prefer it. I DONT want to think about that! But it keeps forcing itself back into my mind and with it comes a sick, empty, HORRIBLE feeling. It kills me. Anyone else dealt with such thoughts? Any tips on how you managed them?

Hi Sam. I would say most men experience this. However in my experience, women have less of an issue with these thoughts.

What it comes down to is ownership. You were together. You were an item. And now you are not. And thats hard to take in that she is no longer with you.

I cant help you deal with what you are feeling right now. What you feel is typical of someone that is separating. What will make it go away however is something called gaining acceptance. This acceptance is a phase we all go thru and its usually at the start of separation. And like most people that go thru this, you are facing acceptance now.

So getting acceptance will make you feel a lot better about what is happening.

But acceptance as I said is usually the 1st phase and perhaps the hardest. Some say after acceptance that the rest of the phases go quick and easy. I dont subscribe to this view however. We are all different and we all see things in different ways.

Lastly, what is happening to you is most likely the 1st time in your life that you have ever felt this way. There is nothing in life that will prepare you for what you are going thru. The only way to learn how to deal with situations like this is to live thru it. No book, course or tee shirt will help you. When you have gained acceptance, you wont feel this way about her and she wont mean dick to you. Nor will you care what she is doing. C.

Thanks Marshy. Yes...I guess that''s the reality of it and I suppose I will eventually let go of her.

It''s very difficult to move on .I''ve been reading lots of self help books and trying to put into practice the advice given.The main thing seems to be to try and switch your thinking to something positive each time you are aware that the harmful thoughts come into your brain.
One thing that really helps is to meet new people and start having some fun in your life.This helps to lessen the pain.
Good luck with everything.

Something that helps me with thoughts is remembering that only you control them. No one else. I can stop thoughts from happening just by stopping them. I know what you mean though. I have had sleepless nights due to too many thoughts. I am working hard to halt those thoughts and move on. It''s getting better.

Canuk,

I can stop thoughts from happening just by stopping them.

I can appreciate what you''re saying, but I kinda feel uncomfortable about using mind techniques on my normally natural thinking, even though it hurts like hell.
Sorta feels like "self brainwashing" instead of just admitting it and feeling it.

Like a soldier doesn''t kill a "person", only "the target".

Horrible blunders on own troops are called "friendly fire" or "blue on blue" to mask the reality of senseless death of husbands, brothers or sons of those at home.

When the soldier gets free of that battlefield environment and goes back to civvy street, he suddenly gets PTSD and a crippling nervous breakdown.

I''m personally all for taking this horrible experience on the chin, maybe moderated by a couple of beers or a sleeping pill at night to calm the worst effects.
But there is no way you are going to escape the pain and reality of it.

As the guy said about withdrawing from heroin in Trainspotting..."you know the pain of cold turkey is gonna come sooner or later...It''s in the post."

LW

I found keeping busy helps - however it was the early hours when my brain should have been sleeping that it went ''PING'' and started with ''the thoughts'' Oh why don''t we have an ''off'' switch???

Unfortunately its part of the process - some people are better at dealing with stuff than others. Some can switch off and some mull over details.

The reason; because you care! Do you find yourself worrying over things you don''t care about?

HUGS

WR x