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Three comments that hurt so much...

  • samchik1
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27 Mar 12 #320285 by samchik1
Topic started by samchik1
Yesterday evening I was hit with a combination of punches that floored me and from which I am yet to get back up.

She says:

(1) I wasn''t a good enough lover and our sex life left her indifferent. I tried to suggest that if we had communicated more about what she likes/needed/was missing surely we could improve our sex life. She laughs...says I''ll never turn into Don Juan overnight :(Ouch.

(2) She is tired of being a "slave" to me and my son. Ouch.

(3) She''ll need my help with rent on a new flat if she''s a full time student. I suggested I don''t see why, when she''s leaving me here, I should be the one paying all the prices? She said if I want to play it like that then she can always go back on the 50/50 deal we agreed for our son''s care. Really big OUCH (she''s even blackmailing me here).

Bang...Bang...Bang...my sense of power and control is slipping. Suspected it might.

  • Reddit
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27 Mar 12 #320289 by Reddit
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Utter cack! You are being blackmailed. Try to be objective in reviewing your respective means and needs - i.e., money in, money out - and take it from there. You do not have to pay half her rent unless a court directs you to. Is your son her son too? It would help if you present a summary of circumstances in each new thread.

  • livinginhope
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27 Mar 12 #320290 by livinginhope
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I think the first comment is particularly cruel and I''m sure she meant it to be.She is really trying to destroy your self esteem.If she had any sense she would realise that making love takes 2 people.If she is saying now that it wasn''t any good she should be looking at her own part in relationship.Don''t carry this comment into future relationships.Just because she said it doesn''t make it true.

  • WhiteRose
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27 Mar 12 #320292 by WhiteRose
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livinginhope wrote:

I think the first comment is particularly cruel and I''m sure she meant it to be.She is really trying to destroy your self esteem.If she had any sense she would realise that making love takes 2 people.If she is saying now that it wasn''t any good she should be looking at her own part in relationship.Don''t carry this comment into future relationships.Just because she said it doesn''t make it true.


I think its fairly common to try and hurt someone by saying they were no good in bed - its a particularly cruel and nasty thing to say and I agree with LIH.

DO NOT take this on board - I think its a particularly nasty self fulfilling prophecy that if you think you''re no good (at anything) you then tend not to be.

The 3rd comment is sheer blackmail - yes you want a peaceful and civil split - especially if 50/50 has been decided, but the thing about blackmailers is that if you give in, then tend to then use it more and more. Many posters here hear the phrase "If you do/don''t do this, then you won''t ................. get that, see the child(ren) etc. etc" Grrrrrrrr :angry:

Think of her comments as more spiteful words intended to hurt you.

HUGS

WR x

  • samchik1
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27 Mar 12 #320293 by samchik1
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Yes. He''s her son too Reddit.

If she did "intend" to hurt me with the first comment WR and LIH - she was successful. It makes me feel grossly inadequate...even embarrassed. :blush:

  • leftwondering
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27 Mar 12 #320295 by leftwondering
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Hi samchik,

That first comment is just the classic female verbal punch in the guts ''cos they know it hits the target. Ignore it.
Men use the same insult to women too when they want to be really nasty.

Wow...she is really one-track-minded with regards to her education and future and to hell with everything else.

Was she a UK Passport holder when you met her in Russia?

LW

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27 Mar 12 #320298 by samchik1
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No LW...she wasn''t...an alarm bell, I know.

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