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Three comments that hurt so much...

  • Marshy_
  • Marshy_'s Avatar
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  • Platinum Member
28 Mar 12 #320425 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
I can understand why these words hurt you. They were designed to hurt you and its worked. When we are in a relationship, we are vulnerable to these sorts of words.

But you have to take into context what words actually are. They fall roughly into 2 catorgories.

1) Information. Words said as information are designed to inform or warn. I am providing you with information. And I may also warn you. Other forms of information may include when your train will be on time or late. This form of words are supposed to be true. And the things I say to you is as far as I know are true. If I use words that are supposed to be information but are actualy lies, then they are not information at all. They are missiles.

2) Missiles. Words can be used to mis-inform you or hurt you or used as lies. If say you had a spouse and you asked her if she was saying that she was not having an affair. Or that she would never cheat on you and that you were a bad lover, these could all be lies. This is not information. These words are designed to motivate you or hurt or manipulate you. Words used as missiles are bad. And they do hurt and using words this way does work.

The thing that counteracts words are actions. If I said to you that I would pay for the damage that I did to your bike and put it in your bank, but I never did or intended to, these words that I used were missiles. And I deceived you. My actions betrayed me. Actions always betray you.

In the case of point 1. I must assume that she did in deed have sex with you. And I must assume that she did enjoy it. But she said that she didnt. The words dont tally with the actions. Her actions betrayed her in that she did enjoy having sex with you but she said these things to hurt you.

So dont listen to the words. The words are missiles that are designed to hurt or manipulate you. But the actions tell you the opposite.

We are all driven mad with the words. Me included. I was told all sorts of things. In fact the same things that you were told. This was done to me to manipulate me and hurt me. And it worked. Until I worked out what she was trying todo. And its the same thing with you. She wants you out the way. Pronto. So she will say things to ensure that you are hurt, destroyed and that you get out the way as quickly as possible. And there is guilt at play here. Some people cant take the blame themselves for their actions. They have to transfer the blame to someone else. U see this a lot when a spouse has an affair. He or she will do a blame transfer to the other innocent party. Blaming them for the affair because they cant blame themselves.

I hope (some) if this helps. Me saying about words and actions although true, is a tough concept for us to grasp. And words still sting. Even when you know what words actually are and that actions betray. But try and think of the actions and not the words. I know it will be hard to seperate out the two as we are conditioned to listen to words. And its hard to accept sometimes that the person that is saying these things are lying for the purpose of hurting and destroying us for there own ends. And this sadly is what she is doing to you. C.

  • samchik1
  • samchik1's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
29 Mar 12 #320592 by samchik1
Reply from samchik1
Thank you all for your comments. There''s a lot of wisdom and sense in what you''ve said. I''ll try to digest some of that as I struggle on in the light of those comments.

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