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Three comments that hurt so much...

  • Emma8485
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27 Mar 12 #320299 by Emma8485
Reply from Emma8485
My views for what they are worth

1) I''m assuming that she sees herself as some kind of Marilyn Monroe sex goddess type? Its a hurtful, and nasty thing to say, and I''d give it the attention it desrves which is none.

2) So let her go and slave over herself, and you stay with your son - sounds like she is very single minded about what she wants anyway and your entire life has fit round that so far.

3) Be objective about the finances, chances are you''ll end up paying her something, but not neccesarily all her rent - get some advice on that - and as for trying to blackmail you with time with your son, thats just disgusting, and she should be ashamed of herself. Sounds like he is with you more than her anyway!

I''ll stop the rant now!


  • leftwondering
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27 Mar 12 #320306 by leftwondering
Reply from leftwondering
Hi samchik,

Have you any family in Bath who would be able to do some childminding etc?


  • samchik1
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27 Mar 12 #320307 by samchik1
Reply from samchik1
In Bath, no...no family. All of my family are in Cambridge. They (Mum and sister) have already offered to come down...but I haven''t accepted yet...didn''t want them staying with us amidst all this crap.

  • Canuck425
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27 Mar 12 #320308 by Canuck425
Reply from Canuck425
I have been the subject of some particularly ugly comments. That''s actually been the hardest thing out of all this. The words she''s said that roll around in my head.

Just know that they are not true. With sex, it takes two. So if it was bad then it''s her as well. Period. But really just ignore her and don''t engage on those conversations. Just walk away and let it go. It''s hard, ok really hard, but try.

  • WhiteRose
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27 Mar 12 #320309 by WhiteRose
Reply from WhiteRose
samchik wrote:

Yes. He''s her son too Reddit.

If she did "intend" to hurt me with the first comment WR and LIH - she was successful. It makes me feel grossly inadequate...even embarrassed. :blush:

Thats the problem when someone you let in so close to you turns nasty - they know just the words and things to say to hit you where it hurts.

My ex was a fan of shouting nasty things in arguments - he sure knew what to say to hurt me to the core :(

Yes, its hurtful, but I doubt its true. Please don''t let the vile comments in, think of yourself like teflon - let the nastiness slip off.

WR x

  • leftwondering
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27 Mar 12 #320312 by leftwondering
Reply from leftwondering
I suppose what I was asking is would you be able to work things as a one parent family where you are and still meet work commitments?

In your blog, your solicitor said something about her being able to "take you to the cleaners".
In what way?
You are still in the FMH with your son and he''s settled with school and friends. SHE is the one abandoning you both.
If you were the main carer, surely she would get less than a 50/50 split?

(BTW I don''t know much about this stuff as I am only just finding out myself)


  • jjones123
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27 Mar 12 #320327 by jjones123
Reply from jjones123
She''s talking rubbish. We know, and deep down, she probably knows it too.

The reason why the splitting party says rubbish is because they feel guilt. They might not be able to explain it as guilt, but that''s what it is, and it feels very uncomfortable for them.

When they feel like this, what would make them feel better? The answer is that if you didn''t like them very much. So, to achieve this, they say the most horrible things and they instinctively may hope to provoke a reaction, so they can jump up and down, point and shout, ''you see!! you see!! you''re a nasty man!! this is why I''m leaving you!!'' Then they can breathe a sigh of relief that they think (foolishly) that they''re making the right decision.

When you''re other side, do everything you can to maintain your dignity and integrity. If she starts to rant again, just say, ''well... I''m crap in bed? Well... you''re entitled to say anything that you wish to say'' Just be neutral. She''ll think you''ve been bodysnatched by an alien, but it will drive her nuts.

By giving you nonsense, she''s instinctively trying to make you mad, to make it easier on herself. Don''t for a moment internalise all her garbage - it''ll drive you mad if you do (I did it for a while, but then I realised that my ex to be was as mad as a box of frogs).

Get mad, by all means - but NEVER take it out on her, and NEVER show it either. If she has a go, say ''I''m rubbish at this and I''m rubbish at that? Well, that''s just your opinion isn''t it?'' (Step back a few paces and watch the thermonuclear explosion)

Good luck, mate. You sound like a good fella.


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