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When they leave the door ajar...a teeny bit

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29 Mar 12 #320730 by leftwondering
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Hey samchik,

I''ve been thinking a lot about this sorta stuff over the last few weeks myself and suffering a lot of heartache too.

So the door is slightly ajar..there may still be a chance...

So here''s my recent thoughts...

It''s no good trying to talk, persuade, cajole or manoeuvre sombody into staying with you.
Not gonna work.

They either want to be with you or they don''t. That''s it.
No "inbetweens"

As Marshy says "Actions speak louder than any words".

You vote with your feet...and they have voted... That''s it...No ifs or buts... End of story.

Hurts me to hell, but I gotta accept it.

LW

PS: and forget all this crap about "remaining friends" also.
A "friend" does not hurt you worse than you''ve ever been hurt in your entire life.

They are only after "favours" (financial or otherwise) and are only thinking of themselves and their new partner, playing you and using your past love as collateral.

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29 Mar 12 #320733 by sillywoman
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When my ex left for his latest he said "I might regret this" and my God does he, cos this time I didn''t take him back and divorced him and nnow he is one bitter and twisted man.

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30 Mar 12 #320776 by Canuck425
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Oh I have been here. Big time. I have "enjoyed" limbo for the last ten months and it is time to move on. I got different flavours of all those comments. It seems she was just thinking out loud and a lot of those thoughts should have stayed in because they confused the heck out of me.

Actions speak loader than words. So take note of her actions. She''s leaving. You cannot stop her. Maybe she''ll regret it and maybe she won''t. We do not know what the future will bring. All you can control is your own reaction.

Of course you still love her. She has had months or years to think this through and you''re catching up. You cannot turn off your love like a tap. Be ready though - she just might come back. Then what?

Another thing I figured out is that the marriage I had is dead. Totally and completely dead. The question to answer, if it comes up, is do you BOTH want to build something new? Together? Working hard together? I am sure her head''s not into it right now and she runs the HUGE risk of your head not being in it when and if she comes back. I know my wife was pretty shocked when she said she wanted to work on us and I said no. How about that.

So - maybe she''ll come back and maybe you''ll want her. Maybe you''ll both work on it like crazy and it''ll be awesome. Please report back on that because we have not seen that happen too often here ;).

Take care of yourself first!

  • perin123
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30 Mar 12 #320800 by perin123
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Hi Sam

I am sorry you find yourself in this awful "limbo". Been there, unfortunately like so many on here.

My ex did the same, said the same, kept me in limbo for 12 months (whilst seeing OW I found out later) He used the fact that I would have done anything to save my marriage and family, to his advantage. But after hitting rock bottom and finally saying No, I am worth more than this, he turned on me spectacularly and that''s when it all went downhill. Have been "fighting" him ever since.

It''s not fair to play with people''s emotions, and mess with their head. It''s either over or it''s not. You either want it to work or you don''t. There''s no "get out clause" no if it doesn''t work then I''ll come back......

Oh isn''t hindsight a wonderful thing? Trouble is when you''ve just been dropped on by the bombshell you don''t think logically.

Look after yourself x

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