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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

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The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

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Worst day yet

  • Canuck425
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30 Mar 12 #320900 by Canuck425
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You''ve received lots of good advice here so hang in there. Don''t beat yourself up for your thoughts but get help if you need it!

You don''t know what''s going to happen inthe future. What we know is that she''s gone and doesn''t want to be with you right now. That''s her choice and she''s entitled to that. So please, please, please don''t reach out to her and tell her how much you love her. Don''t tell her how much you''re hurting. Don''t tell her anything except about your son and polite chit chat. She''s not with you anymore.

If you want her back at some point believe me when I tell you there is nothing more unattractive than a man begging/pleading his case. Just let her go.

Focus on you. This is how we all have to proceed. Make our life awesome (yes, there''s that word again). This will take time but you can do it. You will be happier and she will notice. Maybe she''ll want to come back and maybe she won''t. By this point you probably won''t care. Right now, you''re in the very tough times. Eat, sleep, shower, take care of your son. Look good every day. Smile. Do some small things just for you.

I''ve been close to where you are (ok, not the suicidal stuff - that scares the hell out of me!) and I am slowly pulling out of it. I know there are more ups and downs coming but I can do it! So can you!

Deep breath. Now go outside for a bit and get away from the computer!

  • hawaythelads
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30 Mar 12 #320918 by hawaythelads
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Sam,
Your feeling of desperation,despair and loss are completely normal for the person being binned.
You undoubtedly love this woman have that desperate need that you had her but now going forward she''ll never be yours again.
So you are killing yourself with this if only I''d been a performing monkey and smiled at everything and said that''s alright darling all the time that she''d still be there.
Well mate the truth is she wouldn''t.
That''s the real shxtty end of the stick with a marital break up the one that doesn''t want to be dumped is left in a right old mess.The one person they obsessively want is the one person that has actually inflicted all the devastation upon you emotionally.
So they can''t help you at all because they are wanting to get rid of you.It''s a cruel paradox.
My mum told me look son sometimes in life you just have to accept things you can''t fix or you can''t have and that''s that.
The deepest cut is that in pursuing their new life they completely deconstruct yours.
So they''ll never be any solace to be found from them.
I know you''ll be in denial about all this and at the moment you''ll have that but but but to anyone giving you good advice and yoyu won''t really be able to leave it alone and you''ll end up falling into the abyss even further of unrequited love and doing more humiliating begging and crying to her.
I''d tell you what I think she was up to last night almost definately but that won''t help you at all.
Really you''ll be falling apart and they are getting off the phone pretty unbothered as it''s their choice and they find you pathetic for begging and making them feel bad for trying to extricate themselves from you.
All the best
Pete xx

  • leftwondering
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30 Mar 12 #320919 by leftwondering
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samchuk,
Canuk''s right about the pleading and the begging.
But don''t be ashamed of what you already did.
I did it too at the start. I was just being honest about how I felt to someone whom I thought was my best friend, lover and soulmate and had always spoken to freely for years and years.
Did no good at all actually except inflate her ego and give her more confidence to piss off..
But I''m still glad I at least let her know how I really felt..for if I''d played it cool and pretended I didn''t care, I would always have wondered if my stupid pride had made her think I was an indifferent sod and reassured her she was right in leaving.

OK she knows how I feel now. End of story.
Don''t go on and on about it. She''s got the message.

Whatever will happen will happen.
Your words now won''t influence anything IMO except irritate her.

Let it Be for now and sort your own health and physical well-being out as you will need it to get yourself through this period regardless of the final outcome.

By all means go for a couple of pints with a friend who is willing to listen and sympathise...but a word of warning...don''t take too seriously any advice from any married friends who tell you how they would be Mr.Jack Tough and "chuck her suitcases out on the street if MY missus acted like that".
Truth is...They have NO idea, until it happens to them.
And they''d probably be bigger crying, whimpering wrecks than any of us. Seriously!

LW

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