I wrote a letter to my ex husbands new lady asking her to encourage a relationship with the children. SHe phoned me and shouted disgusting abuse and several occasions in the same day.
Basically my ex is not interested in our kids unless I am interested in him, and I haven''t been interested in him for years, as he was a constant cheat. I stayed in the marriage simply for the kids, I admit that.
One of our daughters graduates this year also and I have just said to send an invitation to him to attend and if he does he does and if he doesnt his loss.
Julie, don''t give this man any more rent free space in your mind. He simply isn''t worth it.
If he continues the way he is with the kids the will soon get bored of him and he will be the loser.
Sorry in my opinion it is a crazy suggestion. She wants me to have nothing to do with him and it suits me fine. My kids are young adults and as such make their own arrangements with Dad it has nothing to do with me, just posted here to get it off my chest.
I think we need to agree to disagree as I think affairs no matter what the circumstances can never be justified. If someone is unhappy they should leave not start an affair or they should at least admit they are unhappy and try and resolve things.
I agree completely. I should have left right after my STBX told me she was pregnant with the first child as we were not married at that point and had only been together a few months. Instead I did the "right thing".. Tried to make it work and function and brought 2 more children into this world, before marrying her.
I have no justification for anything I have done- but I do not deserve the wrath from my STBX or lack of access I have with my children.
Totally agree with you Julie, affairs cannot be justified - unhappy in a relationship then leave! I have read only yesterday that few men leave a relationship unless there is a woman in the wings. My ex had affair after affair and I continually forgave him. I was stupid. Very very stupid. However, we are where we are and he is now living with the latest as this time I would not have him back as kids have been through it time and time again and I had got to the point where I knew the damage I was doing to their minds. I was basically saying "oh yes its okay to have an affair and okay to expect to be taken back by your partner" and I certainly do not want our daughters to allow their partners to have affairs and take them back.
My ex is bitter cos I wont take him back and I expect his latest is scared in case I do!!!! Such sad cases.
Its not just men who wait until they have someone else before they leave.
My partner will openly admit that his ex tried to end the marriage on several occasions because she was unhappy.
As he was desperate that his children didnt have divorced parents, he just ignored her and refused to separate. In the end she had an affair, yes she was wrong but how else was she going to get my partner to understand that the marriage was at a end.
He now realize that he played his part in the break down of his marriage and doesnt blame his ex''s affair or the OM. He accepts that it was a symptom of a unhappy marriage not the cause.
His ex has discovered the grass isnt greener on the other side but thats a different issue!
Dont talk to OW, but I would get your son to invite dad to graduation and then its up to Dad what he does. No come back on you in future, no one will be able to say you stopped dad doing x, y or z
Julie - you are in your 50s like me. We have so much of a wonderful life left to live and we are free and are in a position to meet a man without having to lie and cheat and be deceitful as are exs are and have been.
Like you my exs behaviour towards our lovely girls bothered me, but not a jot anymore. Our girls are doing so well, two now at university and one about to go into the 6th form. I am so so proud of them.
We laugh, mess about, and occasionally I am even allowed to be seen in public with them (lol!). Sadly I am unemployed and the girls have to pay board out of their student loans, but they are happy to do it.
They did start the process of taking their father to court under the childrens act for assistance whilst at uni, but they decided they couldnt be bothered in the end. If he doesn''t want to help them financially, sobeit.
Their father no longer causes them stress or pain or upset, cos they don''t allow him to. He always was a knob and always will be!
Men who leave for someone else will often find the grass is not always greener. But whether or exes do or not, who cares and your kids will soon think like that too.
My daughter will send gradution piccs to her dad if he doesnt turn up to see her, so he doesn''t miss out, just because she is proud of herself.