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Prat of a STBX

  • julie321
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02 Apr 12 #321175 by julie321
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I tried at the time he left to remain amicable for the kids. I even stayed in every Sunday so he could pick up the dogs tkae them for a walk and bring them back. I helped him with car insurance, dentist and doctors to name a few. I never tried to interfere in kids relationship with him.

Thought all was weel until OW decided she didn''t want him to have any contact with me and that was that, no contact since. It is not me who has instigated this but his OW and he wonders why the kids won''t accept her.

Nothing more I can do and we haven''t started divorce proceedings yet.

So I see what you are saying but have you any suggestions? Maybe you could speak to her as she has the problem not me.

  • sillywoman
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02 Apr 12 #321180 by sillywoman
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Julie - just forget it. I have a similar ex (thank god all fully divorced now!). When he left for his latest (and I refused to take him back) he was a nightmare. Didnt bother with the kids (similar ages as yours) and when I phoned him to ask him to have a relationship with his kids I was met with abuse.

Two of the girls have each seen him once in almost two years and on both occasions he slagged me off. The youngest (16) saw him last week at his place of work as he had promised money towards her prom dress. Upon arrival he said he only had £3 in his pocket. He has not seen her for nearly two years, pays CSA only and earns a good full time salary and has a pension as well. On top of that he lives with his girlfriend in her caravan so obviously his outgoings are low. But he brand new BMW will probably cost!

Anyway my girls are no longer bothered in the slightest about him, dont mention him at all and we just get on with it.

I have done my best to keep a relationship going with the father and the children, hell I stayed in a cheating marriage because I thought it was best for them!

But now they are older it is up to them and their dad and as their dad is playing the poor victim, their relationship is going nowhere.

Use your energies in getting divorced and getting this lowlife out of your life for good.

  • somuch2know2
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02 Apr 12 #321181 by somuch2know2
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Thats ridiculous.. He has kids with you! My partner was also the OW but she has constantly encouraged me to have a relationship with my ex and to be a good father. My STBX on the other hand said I will have NO relationship with my children as long as I am with "her".

Suggestions? I am still looking for some myself. I have tried everything. I even broke up with my girlfriend to try and establish a relationship again. That didnt work.

This may sound crazy- but why not contact the OW and have a chat? Email maybe? The worst that could happen is she shows a real evil streak?

  • julie321
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02 Apr 12 #321182 by julie321
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No way am I doing that! I have not caused any problems for them since he went and I will not lower myself to their level.

Sorry but I have no respect for people who break up marriages as I would never get involved with a married man.

She is apparently jealous of me why I have no idea, it is not as if I would ever take him back or he would want to come back.

I will just leave him to it, as my son said he is not really helping himself with his relationship with them and he thinks within five years he won''t be seeing his Dad anymore as he has better things to do than listen to him ranting on.

  • Boo2u21964
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02 Apr 12 #321183 by Boo2u21964
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Let your son know how you feel,Those kind of events are always going to be hard however much time passes,I had my grandsons christening a year down the line for me, I had alot of my family around me and to be honest it wasnt as bad as I thought, he must have felt a complete outsider, that helped!! :)

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02 Apr 12 #321184 by julie321
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Thanks Boo. I have told my son he should invite his Dad. I will avert any conflict, hopefully he won''t be able to have a drink before the ceremony as it is in the morning.

I will walk away if he approaches me at all.

  • somuch2know2
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02 Apr 12 #321185 by somuch2know2
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I dont think this other woman "broke up your marriage", just as my girlfriend didnt break up mine. It was broken a long time ago.

Why would talking to her be causing them an issue? How are you supposed to resolve things if you just leave it?

Sorry if it were such a crazy suggestion.

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