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Did I do enough...

  • jjones123
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02 Apr 12 #321289 by jjones123
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Don''t ever feel that you''re abusing the forum. You''re not. When you post, people reflect on what you''re written, and it can help others to understand their own situation.

She says that you didn''t do enough?? What a crock of nonsense! It''s rubbish; total garbage.

As for her thinking that you were never supportive of her studies, that''s a cheap manipulation. I mean, you''re not her driver, as you?

Seriously, she doesn''t sound as if she is blessed with the power of empathy. I''ve read that book that SG recommends, and it made a lot of sense.

A lot of what you write is eerily familiar. My ex also raged at me that I wasn''t supportive of her for a whole number of different reasons. I now see it as total nonsense, but at the time it stung like anything. Looking back I can see that I bent over backwards to accomodate her whims.

Best,
JJ

  • Phoenix2yk9
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02 Apr 12 #321300 by Phoenix2yk9
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Sam,

Another burning question in the aftermath of seperation, did i do enough?, could i have done more?

Hindsight sometimes is a good thing but also it is a curse, as you will know, we often beat ourselves up when we have not done enough, and when is that limit where enough is really enough.

As humans we strive to improve, we look at how we can strive to be a better person and how much we strive and are dependent on how people perceive us as individuals and how we perceive ourselves.

I came away from my relationship feeling like i never did enough, and I take my fair share of the blame, but I know in myself there was a limit to what i could do, before it started to disrupt the person that I was. You have a limit and you have a level of your own expectations of what you can and can''t do, depending on finances, emotions and time.

Its time to come away about what she expects from you, its time now to think about what you expect from yourself, what you need to be to give yourself a sense of direction and purpose and none more so than your son, who will give you these things.

You may ask what does your son expect from you, its not the amount of toys that you will buy him or the amount of haribos you will provide for him, but its your love and attention and most of all your hugs to reassure him that everything is gonna be alright

  • Canuck425
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02 Apr 12 #321317 by Canuck425
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It doesn''t really matter if you did enough or not. She wasn''t happy and you did the best you could. You''re not responsible for her happiness, she is. Can she be happy with herself? It doesn''t sound like it.

Take your time and move through this as slowly as you need to.

Know that you''re a great guy and do not doubt that.

  • freefalling
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03 Apr 12 #321340 by freefalling
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Hi Sam,
That elusive question ''why'' may never be answered. You will hear more absurd reasons and justifications which will only aggravate you more. My stbx told me that he knew I didn''t care for him anymore because I stopped buying underwear for him. I know totally ridiculous! But you know what as ridiculous as it seems there is some truth in what he says. I was sick of being the giver in the relationship and I didn''t want to be treated as his housekeeper anymore. He never bothered about what I wanted or how I felt. i shopped for him because I knew he liked it and because I loved him I did things for him regardless of whether I liked it or not. My point is I suspect that you stopped picking your wife up from the station because she never put herself out for you. It''s about making sacrifices for each other. That''s where my stbx and your wife failed. Selfish people don''t make sacrifices for others because that''s not how they''re wired. Take care

  • kasuku
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06 Apr 12 #321968 by kasuku
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you did your best , you searched high and low to to resolve all difficulties,you have learned that your spouse does not share the same value , thoughts as your self.

the fact is you never really come to know some body there is always a skeleton in the closet , this is in the form of the their thoughts, the kind personal baggage a person carries from their own personal history, the only thing you know about a person is if you will be able to get along with them, and this come with what kind of experience you''ve had with them.

from what you say you clearly can not get along with this person so its time to move on.

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