Hi Samchick
samchik wrote: My wife destroyed my life, our family, and our son''s parental unit without giving me a sniff of a chance to work on saving those things. Rant over.
Nice post. Well crafted and a good read. But yr wrong on the point above. Yr wife has not destroyed you. And yr family is still there. Just she is not part of it. Thats all.
When this is over, you will rise again. Like the phoenix from the ashes. This I promise you. And I wish I had a pound for every time I have said that. I wouldn''t need to sweat over a hot workstation. I could bask on some nice beach sipping a pina colada watching the world slink by...
There is a backdrop to what you are saying. And that is humans. We are all faulty in some way. None of us are perfect. We have feet of clay and iron. Not good. And we make mistakes. Lots and lots of them. And we generaly all make the same mistakes. We are cra* at learning from each other.
Comms is always an issue between people. Even couples that are committed to each other. No one communicates effectively. We are not designed to communicate and we are not (largely) taught to communicate. We can say words. But often, we cant find the words to describe what we feel. And if we are dealing with someone that doesnt understand what we are saying or that doesnt want to hear, we are wasting our words.
Take my manager (please?), he asks me to do things that he has decided on the spur of the moment. No forethought on the ramifications of what he is asking me todo. Is that my fault that I have interpreted it wrong? Or his fault for not considering what he has asked me todo? Ok I am not married to him. And thankfully I dont have to live with him. But its a case in point. And the only way I can work with this is put in writing to him what he has asked me todo on the fly. And when it all goes Pete Tong (which it usually does), I have the proof that this is what he asked me todo. Just following orders guv and backside in APM.
Listening is an art. We think we just open our ears and the words register. But like communication, we are not taught to listen. And the words may confuse us as they are not being said right or they simply do not register. Some of what we are told could be important. Most not. But its like searching for a needle in a haystack and trying to sift out the important message from all the other words is hard.
So against all this, I am surprised that the divorce rate is not higher than 60%. Why not 80 or 90%? It should be.
Lastly. Life is a lesson. Divorce is a lesson. And we should learn these lessons. As its an expensive class to attend. But the good news is that divorce gives us another shot at life. A chance to change. A chance to communicate more effectively and listen. We all need to learn to listen and not just hear the words but work out there meaning.
V lastly. I have met women and men that their marriages have died the death of a thousand cuts. But what did they do? They went and stabbed there other halves in the back. And this act totally invalidates their claim that the marriage was killed by these 1000''s of cuts. My Marshy message to the world. If you dont like it, get out. No affairs or any of that nonsense. C.