Hell

Oh good god. This is just awful. So much pain. It literally physically hurts right now. I haven''t slept all night. My eyes sting from crying so much. The pendulum has swung well and truly out of my favor again. And it was all going so well. My new toughball strategy was going along ok. But with kids complete no contact with the other half is impossible. She called to say good night to him at 9.30 last night. She was in London, having a great time with friends apparently. She was so cold towards me. Not an ounce of warmth or compassion. Nothing. For some reason, I asked her if there was somebody else involved in all this. She said "no, all you need to know is that we''re separated and have separate lives and I dont know what is going to happen in the future, got it?" A cold hearted b&£;(th had replaced my wife...but then I knew that. Put the phone down and panicked...big time. I felt the horror of the situation more accutely than ever. I checked her FB account...status changed to "separated." It hit me again, between the eyes. FB is all about what we want the world to think about us (I''ve always hated it) and she wants the world to know she ain''t with me. Man that hurt. It kick started all hell in my mind. The mind movies I''ve read about (her being intimate and happy with other guys) kicked in full time. She was a beautiful woman and she ll have them queuing up...always did. I realized that reconciliation is not only unlikely but impossible. I didn''t sleep a wink, broke down. Looked at my son''s sleeping face next to me and realized how family life as he once knew it is about to taken from him. How will he take to spending half his time in a tower block in inner city London? Will he be safe? How can I protect him? This is hell. Tomorrow we return home to bath. There she will live under my nose and continue my torture. Maybe I should ask her to leave? I''m on the edge. I''m going to contact a therapist on Tuesday.

What you''re going through, and what you''re feeling is quite normal. Sadly, the pain you feel is also ''normal'' (for want of a better word). You feel hurt, betrayed, rejected, isolated and so so sad. I know this won''t mean much right now, but you WILL get over it. Your son, if you and your wife can be amicable over contact, will survive too. Kids are amazingly adaptable, and as long as neither of you uses him against the other, he''ll be just fine.

The rawness of everything right now is hitting you like a bulldozer. If you are still living with your wife, then I don''t see how that can carry on, so yes, ask her to leave. It''s torture.

Of course you''re in bits, how could you not be?

But maybe it is also time to start thinking practicalities. This means starting to build your case for being primary carer of your child. I''m not entirely sure how your stbx thinks she can survive in London on her own let alone with a child. Rents in the private sector are astronomical; social housing is almost impossible to get unless you are leaving care or have multiple problems. How is she going to pay for all this? How is she going to afford childcare? At the moment you are a safety net because she doesn''t have to worry about such things. What is going to happen when the safety net is removed?

Hugs

At least if she is being cold and uncaring it gives you something to direct your anger at. If she was being kind and sweet towards you, this may give you false hope and hurt you more.

Not really any consolation or comfort at the moment I know .........

Re. the mind movies - I feel for you so much - I''m exactly the same - its horrible - can''t switch off

The only way I survived in the early days was to keep myself so busy I didn''t have time to think - unfortunately my brain was one step ahead and decided to torture me in the early hours - but hey ho.

Keep strong!

WR x

Sam - tell her to f*** right O**!

My ex was a serial cheater and I thought there was something wrong with me so I kept taking him back until the final time when I got some backbone and didn''t take him back and am now divorced.

People have asked me if I want him to be miserable - I honestly do not care whether he is miserable or happy, he is simply someone "I used to know" as the song goes!

But oh my God for years and year my self-esteem was rock bottom, absolutely.

This woman''s treatment of you is driving you to an early grave.

Get her to leave and you become the primary carer of your boy. Then you can get on with your life and in time, like me, you wont give a monkies as to what she is doing.

Sam - I''ve sent you a PM

Hiya Sam

(((((manhug)))))

It''s hard isnt it, the rejection and it''s staring you right in the face, and you hate how you feel, and you feel everything is dragging you down. Can I ask you to do something if you are going to have a panic attack, call the Samaritans, they helped me through so much, even when I was at the point of falling to pieces.

You have to stop looking at what she is doing on her Facebook, I think you are going to just torture yourself, I think when you do go back home you have protect yourself and tell she can''t stay, you have to be brave and the find the courage and ask her to leave. You have to think of you and focus on making yourself strong again bit by bit.

Stay strong and all of us are here for you mate