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So the shit hit the fan...like never before

  • Sunshine10
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08 Apr 12 #322496 by Sunshine10
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You need some space. You need to be away from her. She is tormenting you and she sounds a bit unhinged to me. Can you get her to go stay somewhere else for a while?

I tell my kids all the time that they need to be ''good on the inside''. I think you are good on the inside Sam and you need enough time away from her poisoning personality to get the strength to stop her manipulation of you. You can do it, you''ve come this far.

Hugs x

  • MissTish1
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09 Apr 12 #322503 by MissTish1
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Ditto to everything that''s already been said Sam. You so need to get her away from you, away from the vileness she''s chucking at you. I too think she sounds unhinged. She''s made it clear she doesn''t want you, you know that, so don''t let her stick around to rub salt in your wounds. You need some headspace, time to come to terms with what''s happened.

But, Sam, please please go and see your GP about how you''re feeling.

Take care, and remember you''re not the bad guy.

  • jjones123
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09 Apr 12 #322509 by jjones123
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I''m sorry to hear that things have taken this turn... The other posters have posted some really good points.

As the others have said, she is the one who is a nutcase.

At this point, she''s the one that''s in control of the situation, and you''re the one who is playing catchup. I know it isn''t easy, but the best thing to do is to try to get back some control.

The suggestion about getting some space is a really good idea. Is there anyone you can go and visit for a couple of days, just to take a break from everything? Friends or family? When in that space you can begin to figure out what to do.

Wrestling back control might be like saying to her, ''here''s what''s going to happen... you either confess everything about what has been happening in London, or I''m going to Petition YOU with divorce, and you''re going to have to find somewhere to live''.

BTW, you mentioned that you''ve got a councilling session booked in another thread. Good on you for doing that; I did find it helped a lot to put things into perspective. I wish I had done it earlier, at the point when you''re doing it. This shows that you''re doing what it takes to look after yourself. Also, don''t be afraid to lean on people for support: friends, family, us... whoever it takes.

Remember, you''re not the crazy one in the picture. She is. And, also, all those feelings that you''re feeling, of uncertainty, is perfectly normal.

We''re all rooting for you.


  • MrsMathsisfun
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09 Apr 12 #322522 by MrsMathsisfun
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In some ways Sam it might actually be a relief to know that there is someone else.

It will mean that she has stepped over that line between what is acceptable and unacceptable and will give a valid reason for you to let go of her because she isnt about to come back and make things right between you.

Take care of yourself and remember we are all here when it gets to much and you need some support.

  • Shoegirl
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09 Apr 12 #322524 by Shoegirl
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So you know there is someone else. Usually is with the type of behaviour she is exhibiting. I''m sorry because i know how it feels to be lied to and betrayed.

All the time you listen to her and analyse what she says, it will drive you mad. There''s only one thing you need to know and that is she is a liar. So why listen? Why subject yourself to abuse? You need to protect yourself now and stop engaging with her.

She needs to find somewhere else to live. In the meantime stay with someone else until she has cleared off. That''s what I did.

But let me also add this. I''m sorry you are going through this now but you are better off moving on from someone who treats you so badly. I did move on and I''m so much better and happier for that decision. Short term pain for long term gain. You won''t see this now. But in time, you will.

15 months ago I was the same as you are now. Now, I would not have my old life back now for anything. Saying that does not mean that I did not love my husband, it means that I have been able to see that my old life was full of shabby treatment, lies and manipulation, Take that lot away and life is much better now. No one deserves a life of abuse Sam. Over time you wil see in a way you can''t now that life can and is better without the constant feeling of never being good enough.

Forget the words she utters. She is merely embarrassing herself and showing her true colours. Ridiculous talk of threesomes etc frankly she sounds emotionally like a teenager.

Haway is right, get the divorce moving and take control ensuring you are the one to have residence. The only thing you can do now is extract yourself from this madness. Because my friend she is a stranger to you now.

  • hawaythelads
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09 Apr 12 #322526 by hawaythelads
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Hope you are feeling less unhinged today.
Probably just feel that gnawing gutted feeling right now.
Having re read your original post I have another observation to try and help you.
You went to Russia and met this girl who was in an abusive relationship or just finished one.She''s probably looks wise better lookin than you you''re punching above your weight a bit on that one.
So you thought I''ll be the Knight in shining armour riding in on my white charger and rescue the damsel in distress living in the gutter and take her back to my castle.The trouble is you can take the girl out of the gutter but you can''t take the gutter out of the girl.Ultimately they take all the benefits but underlying they grew up in a gutter and they are rats.They will be a lot tougher than you and their whole reason is what''s in it for them.It does sound like you rescued her from not a previous boyfriend but from her pimp locking a woman up taking away her clothes offering her out for sex with other men and she thinks you are boring in bed.I think she was a prostitute and you saved her from it.
She probably has tried hard to repay you for that but now she wants to leave to be free to do what she wants.
All the best

  • leftwondering
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09 Apr 12 #322539 by leftwondering
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Wow! Steady on man!

I usually like your hard hitting, no BS comments, but I think you are making way too many assumptions based on no evidence other than your imagination.
Sure you get the internet ads for Russian mail-order brides.
I''ve seen them too.

But does that make EVERY Russian girl a harlot?

Same goes for Asian girls.

Are ALL Asian girls working in massage parlours?

If so, I can''t imagine how they managed to become Doctors and Lawyers over here in the UK.
Maybe they all met some sap in the whorehouse who wanted to save them and educate them?

Also, Sam''s wife is still the mother of his son, so I don''t think these kind of comments are really helpful to him at the moment.

She IS treating him like crap though and all his hopes and dreams have suddenly come crashing down on him and he feels totally devastated and bewildered by it all.

He needs some help in trying to slowly come to terms with the situation... (and most of us know just how tough that is) and I don''t think bashing him over the head with a big mallet is gonna help at this time.
Especially when your assumptions are ungrounded.



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