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So the shit hit the fan...like never before

  • Canuck425
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09 Apr 12 #322639 by Canuck425
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Well, I go away for the weekend and lots happens!

Lots of good advice above. From her behaviour I was also thinking there was someone else. I''ve been there my friend. I get it.

So, please remember how early this is for you in the whole process. Right now I agree with the thoughts that you need to get some space between you and her. Then you need to take a few deep breaths and take care of yourself.

It certainly sounds like she has some major issues to work through. That''s her problem and now you don''t have to worry about that. Nice!

On the sex comments. They hurt - I know. Trust me when I tell you to ignore them. I got the same thing from my wife and I couldn''t believe she would say such mean things. After we separated and I became convinced that the divorce would happen I had a little fling (see my blog for details). Rest assured, the new girl was very happy in bed with me. The same will happen for you when you''re ready.

Take care of yourself!

  • donkler
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10 Apr 12 #322743 by donkler
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Right.

Take her comments with a pinch of salt mate, I got "you''re a 30 second wonder", "You''re a cxxt", "Rot in Hell", "Im glad im divorcing you"

Most of those just last night in fact.

Since I have taken control over my situation again, I can let those quite hurtful words float over my head, they do not have any influence on me whatsoever.

WHY?? I have a path forward, I am signing my Absolute, I dont have to depend on her financially, I dont have to go out and find a house/flat to live in, I dont have to chance my arm with a new partner who has whisked me off my feet and give up everything I had. I AM IN CONTROL WITH A PATH FORWARD!

Do yourself a favour mate, do the no contact thing unless it involves your child, and give yourself some breathing space, talking to a good mate was therapy for me, if it wasnt for my Dad god knows where I would be.

Dont sell yourself short mate, you a worth so much more.

(Just to say im divorcing her, not her me, and 30 seconds was a good night ;))

  • soulruler
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10 Apr 12 #322754 by soulruler
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Well OP, you are a male version of me (and that is not actually a compliment right now because I was a total doormat when it came to my husband).

Your wife is using you both sexually, emotionally and financially. I am with Haway on this one - and the other folks on here - note that there is not one person telling you that what your wife is doing is in any way acceptable. She is making you feel like total crap and pooh and believe me when I state that is exactly what she wants to do.

All that rubbish coming out about having feelings for a previous partner when going into a relationship with you, sexual activity which you find unacceptable (but are supposed to accept) self knowledge that you want to protect her when she acknoweldges that you are not at all satisfactory and keeps knocking you back.

You are not supposed to feel that you need constant time out and reassurance and to try harder and go into mediation and attempt to work out what might possibly in an ideal world for just one minute make her feel a little better or for her view of you to be in any way a little more empathetic.

This is a pattern of extreme abuse and it is mental, physical and pscycological abuse. It is never going to get any better as she is enjoying it. She may have had an excitting time with the previous man who treated her badly but she saw you come along who was prepared to attempt to rescue her when what she wanted was not rescuing but some new victim to play with and someone who she could get enjoyment out of basically torturing - you come across as a tortured soul.

I have been there and as I am lucky in a sense that I am a woman and the system is much more set up to protect woman who have suffered abuse I have been on two different counselling courses sent by The Police, I have got myself into personal therapy and it has taken me 4 years and a whole load of support from my friends locally and here on Wiki to get anyway close to being able to talk about the abuse I have suffered anyway nearly as upfront as you have been.

Maybe I used to suffer from being a woman, being extremely caring and sensitive (but not coming across that way) and also from being more than averagely goodlooking. As Haway says it doesn''t matter if you are short fat and balding or look like Pierce Brosnan you can still find yourself a victim of abuse.

Step out whilst you can, life is way way too short.

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