A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


  • samchik1
  • samchik1's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
13 Apr 12 #323459 by samchik1
Topic started by samchik1
Yesterday I woke with a jolt...something was wrong. I went through a list...knot in stomach? Check. Feelings of utter despair? Check. Fear of losing my son? Check. Mind movies of a sexual and intimate nature? Check. Lack of desire to do anything but sit in bed and cry? Check.

In other words, all was as usual, EVERYTHING was wrong.

But as I said, yesterday brought the interesting twist that she was starting to crack too. Emotionally distraught...crapping herself about the future. Tearful. Out of that I drew strength...for some reason I felt less bothered by the shit I''m going through. Just felt that it might be possible to get through this.

So I work (if you can call it that). I come home... I find I have no desire to engage her in any further conversation about any of this crap. I really seriously for the first time just don''t WANT to talk about it or think about it...I just played with my son. I felt like I''d accepted my lot...like I am ready for the gallows when my time comes and I''ll take what comes when it comes. Calmer.

I retained this state all evening. Cooked. Fed and watered myself. Exercised. Went to bed. She seemed genuinely surprised...and to tell you the truth...so am I. I went to bed...slept from 10-8????!!! WTF? That hasn''t happened for a month. Some sense of despair...but some sense of hope (not about her...about the future for me) this morning. I get up...have breakfast, am even cheerful (uh?). I have a shower, I spruce up, I play with my son and I go to work.

As I''m walking to the door I notice she''s been staring at me...she wants to say something. She says it..."you know, you are an extremely handsome man...very sexy." "Thanks" I say, "I know." And I walk out the door. Since last night, I felt like I have been filling up with petrol after running on empty...it feels good.

My brain has been processing all the shit at a phenomenal rate over the last month. My 40 posts (so sorry!) on here are evidence of that. I have been reorganising, reconceptualising, analysing...some say that makes me a hopeless, philosophical, mindf75ck. My wife said it''s one of the reasons she''s off. I''ve never agreed with that...from all of this will come a rewired brain. Better equipped to forge ahead...

  • perin123
  • perin123's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
13 Apr 12 #323467 by perin123
Reply from perin123
Good to hear Sam, you sound more positive.
Hope it continues xx

  • pixy
  • pixy's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
13 Apr 12 #323471 by pixy
Reply from pixy
Glad to hear it. Don''t despair if you relapse - we all go backwards from time to time, but take heart that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, however faint it sometimes seems. Cliche it may be, but these sayings become cliches because they encompass truths.

  • leftwondering
  • leftwondering's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
13 Apr 12 #323472 by leftwondering
Reply from leftwondering
Think she may be re-evaluating what she''s about to lose.
Don''t depend on it though.
Don''t analyse or try to predict her mindset.
Dealing or reasoning with people with chaotic personalities is impossible..


  • Shoegirl
  • Shoegirl's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
13 Apr 12 #323476 by Shoegirl
Reply from Shoegirl
Good progress. Taking control over your situation and disengaging will give you a sense of relief. It will be up and down for some time to come. The key is to remember that now you are standing in your own power to control the things you can and let go of the things you can''t however painful it is.

As for her she''s all over the place. Manipulative types vary what they say depending on what outcome they want to achieve. No integrity, not in touch with themselves. This is not about being bitter, why I say comes from a deep acceptance of some people''s limitations as human beings. Not an excuse for poor conduct from abusive types but a reason perhaps.

Remember this when she tells you you''re crap in the sack again.

  • samchik1
  • samchik1's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
13 Apr 12 #323477 by samchik1
Reply from samchik1
Perin - It won''t continue...but I''ll take it right now.

Pixy - I''ll backslide...no doubt

LW - Yes...she is all over the place...a bloody mess. Has no IDEA of how what she is doing is influencing the lives of my son and I.

SG - hmmm...yeah...I will remember. Amazing how SHIT that made me feel

  • Dazed
  • Dazed's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
13 Apr 12 #323485 by Dazed
Reply from Dazed
Hi Samchik,

When I read this post I wanted to say "get in!" :-). Good for you - taking control - even just a tiny bit - is so empowering.

Your subtle improvement in terms of how you''re feeling & how you are presenting yourself won''t be lost on your ex.

My ex did exactly the same - whilst I was on the floor with grief, he had all the power & obviously felt I was a sure thing back up plan. Once I started to pick up the pieces & dealt with him with a more detatched & positive (about myself) approach - then the compliments started. It''s absolutely manipulative & your ex is no doubt thinking that you may not be there as a soft place to fall, or bail her out or be ever faithful waiting in the wings.

Good for you Sam. Take strength from this but remember how awful she is capable of being to you.

Dazed. x

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11

The modern, convenient and affordable way to divorce.

No-Fault Divorce £179

We provide the UK's lowest cost no-fault divorce service, managed by a well respected firm of solicitors. 

Online Mediation £250

Online mediation is a convenient and inexpensive way to agree on a fair financial settlement.

Consent Orders from £359

This legally binding agreement defines how assets (e.g. properties and pensions) are to be divided.

Court Support £250

Support for people who have to go to court to get a fair divorce financial settlement without a solicitor.