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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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Do I say something?

  • Sailorgirl
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18 Apr 12 #324737 by Sailorgirl
Topic started by Sailorgirl
Hi Wikis

I could do with your opinion on this one please.

Bit of background - split from stbx at end of 2010 on finding out about his affair, he has ignored all divorce papers until January of this year when a particular incident took place which I think scared him. Long and short of it is that when I asked him what was happening with the divorce papers he got very aggressive, pushed me about and generally called me some very nasty names in front of our two small children. I told him that I was reporting this incident to the police and since then all papers have been returned and we are very nearly at the end of the road (cross fingers).

Anyways.....all has been quiet since this incident until around Easter time. He has now taken to insisting on having his weekend with the children in the FMH, a place in which he has not lived for the last year....annoying as i have to move out every other weekend.

Having been blocked from his fb account since the split, I discovered by accident that I am now able to see his profile again, obviously a case of wanting me to look at his wonderful new life or wanting to see my wonderful new life...quite annoying so I blocked him!

Next was an incident when some bins used for his work which were stored at the side of our house were emptied all over the floor and taken away by him. Muggins here had to clear up all of the rubbish....very annoying bearing in mind that the house is on the market at the moment!

Latest incident, stbx turns up with half an hours notice to take kids out for dinner (bearing in mind he lives 4 hr drive away). He is driving brand new luxury car, has ow in passenger seat who promptly gets out and greets my children like her own. Takes the children out to a posh restaurant in town and returns them a few hours later to set off on what was obviously a cosy weekend away for the two of them......very very annoying as this is the man who has paid me no maintenance this month, when I asked him about it he said that he could give me a few quid if I needed it! I however, have worked my ass off over the last few weeks, only for every penny earnt to go out on childcare costs!

I have heard two very differing opinions about his actions, one party says he is stupid and insensitive and doesn''t really realise how his actions impact on me and the kids. If this is the case, should I tell him that moving forward, it might be wise if he were a bit more thoughtful if we are going to continue to be amicable for the sake of the children. The other party says that these actions are just an attempt to torture me and by saying something I am playing right into his hands as what he wants is a reaction, and the incidents will most likely increse.

So I guess the questions are, why is he doing these things? Do I talk to him, or do I continue to grit my teeth and hope he gets fed up? I really thought things were starting to settle!

Sorry for the essay, I have in the past been accused of talking too much lol

SG
x

  • Patrick1968
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18 Apr 12 #324742 by Patrick1968
Reply from Patrick1968
The simple answer is he''s doing it because he can.

The reason maybe becuase he''s upset that you found out about his affair and wants to show you what a great life he is having without you.

You could talk to him but he sounds like a tw8t and the energy that you pour into rationalising why he should stop would be wasted. Your position isn''t unique, he''s cheated and got caught. You need to get on the path for divorce, protect yours and your childrens interest this may even offer him some security and structure to his new life. These digs will ebb and flow and eventually if your lucky stop.

Some questions for you though - why are you moving out? Why haven''t you both formalised access and why aren''t you claiming your maintance from him. Its not in his interest to pay you cash as you could hit him with the CSA formula and get it back dated if he can''t prove he''s been paying you.

Also stop arsing around with FB and remember this mantra ''he''s a tw^t and now he''s someone elses problem''.

  • Marshy_
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18 Apr 12 #324748 by Marshy_
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Hi SG. I have to agree with Patrick. He is a bit of a tw&t. Try not to let him get to you. But if you want to hit back, there are two ways:

Through the wallet. Get onto the CSA and become a thorn in there side. Doing so ensures that you get some action on the CM front.

Ignore him. Dont see him and you dont have to come to the door. Also, dont let him stay at yr home. Let him take the kids away. Thats what he is supposed to do. C.

  • Shoegirl
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18 Apr 12 #324750 by Shoegirl
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You know my view mate. Manipulators and liars don''t do stuff without thinking or by accident. He knows what he is doing and he is hoping that it will create a reaction.

So no, I don''t think you should give him what he wants. Concentrate on the business between you. Getting the divorce done and ensuring he pays the CM on time. The business side of things you should address with him via email like you always have done.

What really matters at the end of the day is being able to move on. My advice would be different if I thought he cared about your feelings, he does not. It''s about control and power and that''s why he wants the reaction, to show who is still calling the shots.

You have done brilliantly thus far moving on and taking control. I''m worried that you might just give him some of that back if he realises his actions with the OW and children will still hurt you.

What matters is getting the house sold and buying your own place as you plan to do. So this is only temporary.

Flash cars and cash don''t make people happy. At the end of the day, that man still has no soul!

I know you have my view, but since you asked, there you go again......

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18 Apr 12 #324754 by pixy
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Now there''s a record - everyone says the same thing (and so do I). Don''t give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

  • Sailorgirl
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18 Apr 12 #324760 by Sailorgirl
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Thanks guys.

I know that I will get the child maintenance, its just a case of when! Seems to be a case of when he can be bothered. We are in the process of signing the Consent Order at the moment so things are very nearly done. I''m very aware of not rocking the boat as I''m so close to the end and being rid of the arse for good.

Please don''t get me wrong, I''m not in the least bit bothered by his relationship with ow anymore, I just want to be left alone, paid on time and be rid of these irritations.

I guess you can''t act like an adult with somone who is a to$%er!

xx

  • Patrick1968
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18 Apr 12 #324762 by Patrick1968
Reply from Patrick1968
When doesn''t come into it. If your weathly enough for it not to be an issue now it maybe in the future. And you don''t need the consent order to be signed before it kicks in. He has a financial obligation to your children that started the day he walked and you have an obliagtion to get that money for your children. By dodging it now will mean that you''ll have to revisit it later. To get some peace in your life you may as well deal with all the cr8p in one go. Good luck.

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