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what do I do?

  • avion
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20 Apr 12 #325427 by avion
Topic started by avion
Hi I am married for 2 years but we have been together for ten. our relationship has never been easy but things have got worse since our marrage. I am now starting to realise that these problems have been brewing for a long time.My wife drinks and often too much she then turns aggresive very quickly. she has regularly hit, kicked and attacked me smashing up the house ( my belongings especially)the verble abuse is cutting and is often very personal or directed towards my family. I realise this is the booze taking but things are getting worse and whilst i am a strong man i have never retaliated to the attacks if i get in my car to escape she will kick the doors or try and smash the screen. she recently grabbed a rifle from me as i went to put it in my gun cabinet and pointed it at me and then put it in her mouth as if to commit suicide. the gun was unloaded but this has shaken me badly and i cant get this out of my head. I persuaded her to give the gun back and i took it to a freinds house to stay the night.(i could not re-enter the house) the next morning she offers no mention and expects as always to continue as normal.
i dont know what to do? I have today booked a chat with relate and this has settled my mind, but who should i be talking to? i cant tell my friends as I am too embarassed. I am worried I have no prenup and my familys asssets are very liable in a divorce if this were to be the outcome. I run my own business and work long hours to do this. my wife does not and has not worked whilst together.( hence my need to work long hours.) I cover all costs and we have a lot of them including horses dogs etc.this set up undoubtably creates some resentment. These things are so complex that it is impossable to put down in words. !!

  • samchik1
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21 Apr 12 #325469 by samchik1
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Hi avion,

Sorry to hear that you find yourself in such a predicament. It sounds like you are asking what it is YOU can do in order to deal with an issue that is ultimately YOUR WIFE''S issue. That is, her aggressive behavior is not under your control and only she can really do something about dealing with it (and whatever underpins it). YOU can do something about the relationship if you feel that her aggression is linked to issues in your relationship - but again, that requires her involvement as a willing participant. But without her participation what can you do? Well, leave her? Stay with her and do nothing? Stay with her and express your dislike of her behavior? Stay with her and show her nothing but love despite her behavior? All of these are options. But I suspect you have thoughts on which are most viable and in line with your values and self?

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