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What a feckin day

  • leftwondering
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25 Apr 12 #326398 by leftwondering
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Hi samchik,

I say KEEP the keylogger active.
Staying informed is no bad thing IMO.
If you just take her word for stuff then you''ll just be in the dark as to whether it''s BS or not.
You may even find out her intentions regarding finances or your son.
(You are not breaking any law since it is YOUR computer.)

Even though some of the things you find might be very hurtful, these things will help you get through the emotional turmoil in times to come rather than lying awake at night WONDERING what she''s up to.
It will help steel your heart against her rather than breaking it.

She could, for instance, tell you it''s over with OM and wants to stay and work at the marriage...and in your state you would fall for it as that is what you want to hear.

Keylogger will verify if this is BS or not.

Truth beats BS every time.

I wish I had a keylogger inside my wife''s head as I haven''t a clue what she''s up to or what her intentions are.

I realize that "chucking her out" is not practical since she is joint owner of the flat.
So don''t let her turn the tables on you by getting involved in any heated rows and have her involving the police to have YOU chucked out.

LW

  • Shoegirl
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25 Apr 12 #326399 by Shoegirl
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Once you know someone is a liar and a cheat then that''s all the information you need really. The constant agony of the evidence staring you in the face is pouring salt into open wounds. To coin a therapy term, professionals would call looking at the key logger info pain shopping. Perhaps ask yourself what is to be gained by knowing her every move.

You know she is a liar and perhaps there is nothing else to be gained by knowing the precise nature of the lies. The search for truth is pointless in the sense that your wife won''t even know what that is. Because cheats don''t know themselves why they do what they do most of the time

I agree with Rasher that the current set up is not sustainable for you emotionally. Its up to you how you deal with this but it seems your wife has plenty of friends in London that she could stay with for a while.

  • freefalling
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25 Apr 12 #326400 by freefalling
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I think knowledge is power so I''m with LW on this one. I have followed your story and she has lied to you from the word go. I would have believed any crap that my stbx spun because I was thinking with my heart and not my head. Solid proof of his lies and deception helped me to finally accept that what he was telling me was all BS and that proof helped me disconnect and it continues to do so. This is why I think the key logger isn''t such a bad idea - give them enough rope and they will hang themselves.

I''m glad that you sought counselling and that you are finally thinking about YOU, your feelings, your pain and what you have endured. Her feelings are not your problem. Does she think about how you feel, the torment she puts you through as you watch her live out her little adventure? I think you know that she is manipulating you and playing you because she knows how deep your feelings run for her. IMO that''s despicable behaviour. She needs to leave and you need to make YOU the priority from now on. She never deserved you. Stay strong -
Take care

  • fairylandtime
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25 Apr 12 #326403 by fairylandtime
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Hi samchick

Oaths have given good advice, either keep key logger or don''t but you are hurting yourself running it back in your mind & going over & over it.

You need to start protecting & looking after yourself, start to distance yourself from her emotionally & practically, empower yourself.

You are the victim here, but you must rise up, be ready for the move forward & away from her in your mind & practically in terms of bank accounts, sorting out for your son etc.

Going over it & over it is only hurting you & facilitating her further.

I think from your posts basically it is over & there is no going back? Stay strong & get yourself ready to move on.

Harsh words sorry but it is you & your son that are the important ones now & you have to be ready for whatever is thrown at you, at the moment you are just going round & round in a time warp created by your x.

JJx

  • hawaythelads
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25 Apr 12 #326417 by hawaythelads
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Look you keep confronting her with a load of texts or rants about her affair it''s all Absolute bollox.
You know she''s an old sxxx end of no further discussion needed.
She still never came home and went on that night to fxck the other bloke senseless,she may have actually been in the process of that when you texted.
Unfortunately that isn''t against the law.
CHUCKING HER OUT- not an option although all the wiki bravado is saying it is.
You''ll end up getting nicked by the rossers for assault.
Try and ask her to stay with the new bloke,I doubt she will because she has to protect her interest in extracting as much money from you as humanly possible.
Keep the key logger on because you''re far too sensitive a soul and unless you keep seeing that she''s fxcking the other bloke you will start talking yourself out of it occurring in your head.
When does this fecking college course start?Have you got to put with this shxt until September?
All the best
Pete x

  • donkler
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25 Apr 12 #326419 by donkler
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In my opinion and my opinion only. I would

Ditch the key logger mate, and distance yourself from her with regards to anything but your lad.

Concentrate on yourself and your boy.

Shes not to be trusted one bit, she even put the other bloke before her son for god sake, If I had children I cant think of anything to take priority over them.

My STBX and I live under the same roof, I no children involved I grant you, but I get up and get out, both for work and weekends.

Once you have some emotional distance you will feel loads better in my opinion.

All the best mate.

  • rugby333
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25 Apr 12 #326421 by rugby333
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Samchik,

Eventually you will lose all sympathy if you continue to bury your head in the sand and behave like a prat.

You have to change your mindset.

1. Suppose she came back to you. You would then have the rest of your combined lives to hate each other for this betrayal. Are you seriously saying that is what you want?

2. If you do not want a lifetime of pain, then accept the inevitable and sort this mess out.

It is truly extraordinary to me that you would even think there is a debate as to what to do and I have been precisely in your position.

If it is revenge you are after, then your greatest revenge is to build a happy life of your own and to be utterly polite to her while you do so! I have seen many times the devastating effect that this course of action has on the person who chose to leave.

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