So...I debated heavily with myself about whether I would post this or not...or indeed whether I will continue posting at all. The fact I''m writing this tells you my conclusion.
How did things progress? Well, I''m writing this as my son sleeps next to me. We have gone away for the weekend and will go back on Monday. After my last post I thought a lot...asked my wife to move out on Monday. She will go stay with a friend...until she moves out for good. She''s on her own from now on.
Traveling here today I learned that she has read some of my recent posts here. Seems she has also been stealth. I guess all''s fair in love and war. I think she was none too pleased about the strength of some of my comments and I received a text telling me as much. I''m actually not bothered if she reads these posts...they are my true feelings and, if you''re still reading this one, I have no problem with you accessing my thoughts about this...maybe you''ll appreciate the impact of what you did. I''m surprised my wife would want to understand my feelings about all this.
So there''s no more fallout other than the fact that she WILL (yes, if you''re reading, be sure you''ve packed and are out) be gone when I return on Monday. After that...good luck out there...you''ll need it. I''m movin on. First step? Mountain biking. New bike. Helmet. Trail. An old hobby will be rekindled...got the idea from my mum tonight...liked it. Remembered how I enjoyed it once. Driving to my mum''s today I felt some positivity...maybe I don''t need her?
In time, you will find you don''t need her. No one needs a liar and a cheat in their life.
It''s good to take up old hobbies and form new interests. In these tiny steps forward, eventually a new life is formed.
It is not uncommon to find a Stbx has been reading posts here. You have a right to express your feelings. It never ceases to amaze me that often the leaver reads the posts but then just gets cross about what''s being written about them rather than accept responsibility for their appalling conduct.
I decided that I was not bothered if my Stbx read my posts. He showed repeatedly that my welfare was no concern of his, so I reached out and found support where I could find it.
I agree with Shoegirl. New hobbies and interests have propped me up enormously over the past year as I''ve been getting over and coming to terms with his betrayal and his treatment of me. If nothing else it gives you somewhere else to put your head away from the pain and stress that characterises marriage/relationship breakdowns.
I''m not sue how I would feel if I found out he had been reading my posts. He may well be, of course, already. I guess anything I''ve said here is nothing I haven''t already said to him. And what happened, happened. Even he accepts this now, rather than his original version of pure-love -and-soulmates-forever-so-it-must-be-ok version of events. But I empathise with a degree of ambiguity of feeling about that happening.
Anyway, you hang in there, you seem to be making great strides from where I''m sitting!
hobbies are good, ive got my dog to walk and breed my chickens, it certainly helps take my mind of stuff, and if my ex has been reading my posts and bloggs, i couldnt care less. enjoy your weekend xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I sometimes wondered whether my ex was reading my thoughts through this site, but, like SG, I thought, ''this isn''t about her whether I come here or not, it''s all about me'', so my concerns gradually receeded.
I can imagine some ex''s getting really cross about a parter writing and posting here, but not necessarily for what is written, but instead by partners expressiving a clear determination to move to a better place.
Ex''s who leave want to view their current partners as weak as a way to justify their own leaving and actions (it''s a part of their script) . But, if you''re seeking solid and firm advice and expressing views about getting your life back together, this is the antithesis of weak - you''re being strong and doing what you need to do, and this plays mayhem with their distorted world view of right and wrong.
Regarding hobbies, this is a great thing to do, and you make new friends and interests along the way.
Wishing you the best for next week (and this weekend too).