However, my daughters father asks her about them at every contact and she then asks me
Have you asked him not to?
She''s unlikely to be hurt by the lack of contat per se, as she hasn''t ever had a relationship with these people, to lose, so she is only going to be upset if she is taught that she ''ought'' to be.
Can you tell your ex that the contact with grandparetns isn''t ging anywheer and could he please not talk about them to her unless she brings up the subject.
If she talks to you about them you can say things such as they are very busy people, or use it as a way to talek about how people are different 9you can build this from talking about different kinds of families, with examples from her school / playgroup friends - e.g. some people live with their mummy and daddy, some have granny living next door - lots of different sorts of family, lots of different sorts of people - some people see their granddad evey day, some just se him at christmas, some don''t see him at all..
If you are relxaed and matter of fact about it then the liklihood is that she will be too.
if she asks about it becuase her dad has brought uit up you can deal with it in a matter of fact way -"no, you know we don''t see Granddad / Auntie Jane very often - but it''s a nice change when we do, isn''t it?"
I think she is at an age where she will start to notice, and be interested in, ways in which different people are different, but that doesn''t automatically mean she will be upset or confused about it, unless she picks up from you that you feel hurt or upset by your family''s lack of interest, in which case she may get upset as well.
You mention that you family don''t know where you live - is there a reason for that? If you ould lik them to have more of a relationship with your daughter, you may need to make more of the running - leet them have your cotnact detials, invote them to visit etc. If you don''t, then consider whether you would want your daughter to see more of them, and if not, work on managing her expectations.
Families come in all shapes and sizes, and can include ''chosen'' as well as ''born'' relations.