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What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

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The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

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It''s now in the lap of the gods

  • hawaythelads
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06 May 12 #328695 by hawaythelads
Reply from hawaythelads
My therapy involved sitting in my underpants on the lazyboy recliner eating bags of crisps watching the entire Angel boxset series 1 -5 (you know the spin off from Buffy the Vampire slayer) one whole bank holiday weekend.Yes Friday night through to the Tuesday am when the next person I saw was at work.
So going hiking you''re doing better than that ;)
What a fecking life eh?
I promise you you''ll laugh at it all one day.:blink:
All the best
HRH xx

  • samchik1
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06 May 12 #328754 by samchik1
Reply from samchik1
Thanks all. This is certainly a tough place to be. Marshy...you may be right about me crumbling when I return to the empty house...it will certainly be very hard once my son is gone for a few days too.

I''m afraid missing her is not something I can just shake off...I will genuinely miss her. That''s one of the reasons this is so painful. I can try to pretend I don''t...maybe fake it til I make it...but you can''t ignore what screams at you from inside.

As for mountains? I''m going to Wales to find em. But sure...you Americans are spoilt for mountains ;-)

This no contact shit is sooooooo fecking hard. LW mentioned this being totally similar to cold turkeying off of heroine or something...if so, addicts have my deepest sympathy...maybe methodone would help?

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06 May 12 #328759 by hawaythelads
Reply from hawaythelads
What you have to remember is that contact is completely and utterly pointless.
You''re not going to phone her and she turns round and goes "OH SAM I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WANT TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER"
She wanted out.She''s with another bloke.
That''s reality.
So don''t fake it.
Just know the score and remind yourself that when all the irrational if whys and buts are doing your swede in.
All the best
HRH xx

  • pixy
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06 May 12 #328786 by pixy
Reply from pixy
Yes it''s fecking hard, but like my mum used to say as she shovelled the foul brown stuff that seemed to be the only thing my doctor knew how to prescribe down our throats, nasty medicine is good medicine.

There are all sorts of crutches that might help you through, but give prescription meds a go before you are tempted to turn to non prescription drugs like alcohol. Have you been to see your gp? If not make an appointment asap. Don''t try to do the macho thing about getting through on your own.

  • Shoegirl
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06 May 12 #328797 by Shoegirl
Reply from Shoegirl
Glad you are getting out.

Most of us missed our spouses at first. I know when I first read posts here telling me to keep away from Stbx and no contact etc, I thought these people here did not get the pain I was in or something. I wondered if people cared less than I did for my spouse, hence they found it easier than me.

I was wrong. Haway, Marshy and loads more people that have moved on from wiki told me I''d be ok. That the pain would eventually subside. They told me the same that they are telling you now. Because we have all lived through it i one way or another and know how you are feeling now. I never thought the pain would stop. But it does and a new life is formed one day at a time.

But here''s something Nell No Regets said to me once. You might not know Nell from the site but I will always remember what she said to me when I faced packing up my Stbx stuff or going back to that empty house for the first time. She said you will only have to do it once. It''s true that. Sure some of the stuff takes some getting used to but it gets easier in time.

  • maisymoos
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06 May 12 #328801 by maisymoos
Reply from maisymoos
I am glad you recognise counselling is a waste of time if there are 3 people involved. I went through 3 months of relate appointments after my ex claimed he had finished his affair. I knew all through he was lying and he hadn''t, actions speak loader than words!!!

I spent those 3 months trying to prove it,I could not live a lie, he did not give a damn about the further hurt he was causing but just wanted to make it look to the outside world that he had tried to save the marriage, what C**p!!!!! lies, lies and more lies. The finale was the night he told me he had gone up north on business and I caught him hook, line and sinker less than 6 miles away shacked up with OW!!

Don''t let that happen to you. She will be feeling desperately guilty and will try whatever she can to push this guilt to you. DONT LET THAT HAPPEN you have been through enough.

Take Care

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