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Which surname would you give baby?

  • Jenna29
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05 May 12 #328598 by Jenna29
Topic started by Jenna29
I have posted about my partner before. He has been seperated for almost 3 years and had said just before the 2 year mark that he was going to get divorced then as it is easier after 2 years. We started trying for a baby, I fell pregnant, he did nothing about starting the divorce. When I reached almost 7 months pregnant and he had still not started the divorce I told him that my daughter, baby and I would not be moving in with him until he was divorced as his wife causes no end of problems regarding finances and contact with their children and that he hadn''t really shown any commitment to our potential family by not starting the divorce. It''s not that I want to marry him, it''s that I don''t want him to be married to someone else which I don''t think is unreasonable?
Anyway, I am due to have our baby in a couple of weeks and a couple of letters have been exchanged between solicitors but no progress has been made regarding the divorce or contact. It''s looking as though my daughter, baby and I will be living alone for the foreseeable future. Should I give the baby his surname anyway, or should I give the baby my surname which my daughter also has as part of her name (it is her middle name) with a view to changing it later when he demonstrates some commitment and the situation changes?

  • Deedum
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05 May 12 #328602 by Deedum
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I don''t know if anyone can really answer this question for you, but I will tell you what I did with my children and that is give them their father''s surnames (they have different dads), even though I have never changed my name from my Maiden Name.

My daughter is 18 now and has not seen her father for quite some time, but I think her name does help her with her identity, but this is just my personal view.

  • sexysadie
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05 May 12 #328603 by sexysadie
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Honestly?

Given your situation I would give the baby your surname. You can always change it to his later if he finally gets his act together and commits to you. It might even get him moving on this.

best wishes,
Sadie

  • rubytuesday
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05 May 12 #328620 by rubytuesday
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I agree with Deedum that no-one can really answer this question for you, however, its worth bearing in mind that its important to retain the paternal link, and this is usually done by giving a child where parents aren''t married the father''s last name.

You could give the baby your surname as it''s middle name, and the father''s name as its surname.

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06 May 12 #328669 by Canuck425
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Wow. I have no idea. Just wanted to wish you good luck on a difficult journey. :)

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06 May 12 #328680 by sun flower
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Nobody can tell you - but for what it is worth, I am with sexysadie. I have always kept my Maiden Name..now we are separated my son wants to change his name by deed pole to mine rather than his fathers.

I would give your child the name of the parent who will be definitely be with him as opposed to the one who seems to be prevaricating.

You could use his surname as a middle name.

But these decision are tricky and in the end - despite all ''logic'' I would ask yourself what ''feels right'' and go with that. I think if in doubt that is the way to go.

More importantly it is lovely news you are soon to have a baby and I wish you well. Have a lovely time with your baby, there is nothing like it.

  • hawaythelads
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06 May 12 #328688 by hawaythelads
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With your track record your name.
It will provide continuity going forward,if there are any other new half siblings.
This saves the kids the embarassment of having to explain why they all have different surnames at school and any abusive comments.
Kids can be awfully cruel.

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