I really wish you all the luck in the world that you find happiness again.
It is very difficult to turn back the clock, to forget what has happened. I have no doubt you will be able to forgive but when trust has been broken it takes with it a part of you that you will never get back.
If your wife was living alone and not seeing another man, perhaps you could have suggested marriage guidance counselling, though I doubt she would agree now. Please do not shoulder all the blame for the break up, it takes two to make a marriage and two to break it. As she is still married, she is technically committing adultery, presuming there is a sexual relationship.
I took my ex back, he denied any sexual relationship, saying they were just work friends, 2 years later I discovered he had put money into a house she bought and even introduced himself as the OW''s partner! Life became impossible, I had a nervous breakdown and he left the
FMH 18 months later, we were finally divorced 2 years after that.
I like you, tried to cling onto my marriage, it was 30 yrs + in length but by sticking my head in the sand and refusing to accept blinding proof I allowed my health to suffer, my self esteem to be crushed and depression to take over my life. I was also 6 years older.
It has taken me 5 years to pull my life back in order and just when I thought I was doing well he crushed me again by stopping my SM (thats another story). The "Black Dog" returned but I am determined not to let him control my life again.
I did not do well in the divorce settlement due to illness and a solicitor who did not fight my corner. It is good that you are amicable, try to keep it that way but please get expert legal advise. I now have a new solicitor who has given me faith and courage to stand up for what is rightfully mine.
Sorry if that is not what you wanted, please dont allow yourself to be used as a door mat & PM me if you want more information.
Best wishes & stay strong.