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What the hell is she playing at?

  • donkler
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29 May 12 #333713 by donkler
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As you can see Sam, this is far from being rare.

Happened to me, happened to you, happened to hundreds of others.

Keep strong mate, I just thank myself very much for not letting this scenario drag on. I was losing the plot and my head was in a mess. As soon I mentally said Goodbye 100%, and told her to get out the house I felt a weight lift.

But the loudest silence was, she never argued to stay. Even after she went I got the "I will always love you" TEXTS when those words did not go fback to her, she soon stopped.

They know you love them, they know you would do anything to keep your marriage, they keep their options open, they are selfish, They think they can come and go at will.

  • artistformerlyknownas..
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30 May 12 #334206 by artistformerlyknownas..
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Well...you guys are great predictors of the behavior of these waywards.

After my wife''s behavior I described in this thread, I had been sucked in...I called her that day and got shot down...as I explained in this thread. I wonder if that might not have been the last time I truly open myself up to get kicked in the nuts by her.

From the moment I put down the receiver that night, and in this order, I cried a little, got up, dusted myself off again, and proceeded with the strategy I had been using prior to that cock up. Since then, I have been resolute.

Two days ago I took a big step...for me. I changed my FB relationship status...no longer says "married to..." For some reason I had been putting that off...but I decided to do it after that phone call. And since then I have proceeded as though it is true.

But your accuracy in predicting that her behavior will "cycle" is frightening. In the last two days I''ve had texts saying she feels like she felt when she left me in Moscow (shit scared, lonely, realized what she had and came running back), that she misses me, asking what I''m up to. Today I have a tearful phone call...she doesn''t know if she wants to go...dunno what she wants from me. I''m not her f*cking counselor any longer (although she leaned on me emotionally in that way a lot)...so I was business-like, polite, but cool and disinterested.

You know...if she does have some sort of epiphany over there...I''m not so sure how I''d feel any longer. The last kick in the nuts on Sunday did something to me...I don''t trust her AT ALL anymore.

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30 May 12 #334209 by Crumpled
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sam you have come such a long way so stay resolved and dont trust her my stbx plays the same games and i too yearn for our life to be back on track again but i know deep down it never will as i think you know about your relationship as well....ask yourself if she did come back etc in reality how long would it be for? what has really changed apart from her getting cold feet or the relationship she is in is not working out as well as she hoped so you are her safety blanket.
stay strong.........

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31 May 12 #334261 by donkler
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artistformerlyknownas.. wrote:

From the moment I put down the receiver that night, and in this order, I cried a little, got up, dusted myself off again, and proceeded with the strategy I had been using prior to that cock up. Since then, I have been resolute.


Proud of ya. Thats all you can do, and thats the best you can do. Well done, its was only a slip.

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31 May 12 #334263 by ConfusedDad
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Sam

One thing I have done which I really recomend is un friending her on Facebook and also blocking her. There is nothing about her life that you want to accidentally see posted and it also prevents her seeing any posts you make. Personally I felt it gave me Facebook back and stopped me obsessively checking it!

Just a thought... :)

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31 May 12 #334272 by u6c00
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Facebook is one of the many evils of this world!

I have personally got rid of facebook, since it''s too public. In the last few years I''ve had death threats sent to me (and a resulting restraining order), been spied upon, had my girlfriend fall down the stairs while pregnant because she was crying after reading some posts from nearly a decade ago (put that one down to hormones!) and other things. I just reached a point where I decided that I don''t want to be part of that ''social network'' which has proven to me to not be very social and more isolating than anything else.

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31 May 12 #334279 by hawaythelads
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Sam,
You have to make a decision not to give her any of your time or emotions and stick to it.

But your accuracy in predicting that her behavior will "cycle" is frightening. In the last two days I''ve had texts saying she feels like she felt when she left me in Moscow (shit scared, lonely, realized what she had and came running back), that she misses me, asking what I''m up to. Today I have a tearful phone call...she doesn''t know if she wants to go...dunno what she wants from me. I''m not her f*cking counselor any longer (although she leaned on me emotionally in that way a lot)...so I was business-like, polite, but cool and disinterested.

KEEP REFERING BACK TO THIS PARAGRAPH THAT YOU WROTE BECAUSE YOU HAVE SUMMARISED YOUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP.

She even left you in the early days in Moscow and came back because a relationship with you offered security.
You have been her counselor literally.
The wanting to offer it up on threesomes etc etc.
You''re a psychologist you''ve thought I can fix her because I love her and then we will all live happily ever after.
Doesn''t ever work like that all that happens is the madness is always fundamentaly stronger than the sanity.
As you found out it''s sucked you in and spat you out.
Just remember she doesn''t want you for the whole relationship.
She wants the sex with the bad boys still.
She just wants you for the sap sitting at home for the emotional and financial security.
DON''T BE A CUCKOLD.
All the best
Pete x

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