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Domestic Abuse and Recovery

  • Yummy_Mummy
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07 Jun 12 #335501 by Yummy_Mummy
Topic started by Yummy_Mummy
Hello

I am very worried as there has been Domestic Abuse from both parties and divorce has been submitted by both parties.

There has been physical abuse by both parties but emotional, financial and mental abuse from him towards her as he has been very controlling.

The parties have talked and considering reconciliation.
Is this possible? Can recovery be made? Or are these Mind Games?
Is this possible after severe destruction of marriage?
There are children involved.

Please Help.
Thanks.

  • sun flower
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07 Jun 12 #335505 by sun flower
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I''m not really a woman with answers today but I have a few thoughts

1. What would your own best friend say to you?

2. There are many stories on here (my own included) where we tried to patch it up but he went off again....for my part, at least I know I tried, and my kids know I tried - but it cost me a lot in terms of loss of self esteem etc, constantly trying to please him, and watching him drift back to ow after all. Now my daughter blames me for ''living a lie'' when in fact I saw it as trying to hold a family together under difficult circumstances. She feels I failed her despite it was her father that cheated.

3. Domestic abuse really rings alarm bells...others are more qualified to comment on this

4. The pain of divorce is so horrible that we will do almost anything to avoid it - including going back down a path that really is not good for us. If you consider patching things up make sure it is a progressive move for you (and him) rather than regressive.

All that said, mending a marriage if it is possible has to be a good thing. Good luck. DM

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07 Jun 12 #335545 by jar of hearts
Reply from jar of hearts
Having been a victim of domestic abuse my initial reaction is to say get out of there and stay out. I think with a logical head on you need to ask yourself several questions:
1. Do you feel safe to return or should you consider counselling before considering this?
2. Will you be able to trust him again? Without trust there is no relationship.
3. What was good about the relationship before and did it outweigh the bad?
4. Do you really want to reconcile or are you just doing this either to please your partner, your children, or because you think it is the right thing to do?

Reconciling in any relationship is very difficult but where there is also violence - very tricky indeed.

Good luck

  • Fiona
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07 Jun 12 #335547 by Fiona
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It depends on the extent that both parties are prepared to to take responsibility for their actions, if they are prepared to do what it takes to change and being able to access good impartial professional support.

  • jaw
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08 Jun 12 #335732 by jaw
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The impact of domestic violence, controlling mental abuse,cannot be underestimated. You are both THE role models on which your children will base their future relationships...
Good luck, whatever you decide

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