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Getting to grips with things

  • samchik1
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11 Jun 12 #336142 by samchik1
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So I''m two weeks into a difficult period for me. As many of you know, the ex is away for a while over the summer. I''m somehow trying to look after our son 24/7 and hold down a full time job (not to mention doing a bit of living outside of that too). It has been more demanding than I had thought and I have been quite stressed. Thank God I''ve had my Mum to help with the little guy at times.

The ex has of course been in touch. A couple of times she has been a snivelling mess claiming panic attacks and anxiety are plaguing her. They probably are. She says she did not realise how financially and emotionally hard it would be. My initial response was to shrug my shoulders and ask what exactly I can do about it...is it my problem? No. We have done a couple of small cycles of the process where I get a little sucked in to be kicked in the nuts by her saying she actually does not know what she wants (I also know the "L" word is being thrown about by her and OM - immature b@&£ards). I have not been so emotionally affected by these cycles though...many of you predicted them.

She asked if I still love her. My answer would have been yes a month or two ago. It has slipped to..."I don''t know" now. And that is truly how I feel. I''m finding this month tough going. But it''s great to hang out with my son. We are off on holiday in a week or so.

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11 Jun 12 #336145 by epitome title
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Hi Samchik

Well done for coping and brilliant that you are able to get away on holiday soon.

I would just say now that you have said to her that you don''t know whether you love her, be prepared that you will now become "something she cannot have" therefore will want.

Just be careful that you don''t fall for this, you have gone through hell, don''t take a step backwards, take two forwards and enjoy your holiday with your lad and look to the future :)

Kind regards

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11 Jun 12 #336170 by Canuck425
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I was just wondering how you were doing. You''re getting on and you''ll be fine. I know this and so do you.

Of course she wants to know that you still want her. That''s been a constant for her in your relationship. You''ve always wanted her, loved her, desired her. It must be quite shocking for her to see that fall away. I know my stbx was surprised (as was I)!

If yours follows my script then she will come back (sort of) and try to get you to win her back (kind of). Then be very put off when you don''t "step up". Then will follow insults about your ability to be a man. I give you this preview since your story has been pretty similar to mine...

So have fun hanging out with your son. Keep taking good care of yourself. Know that you''re a man of tremendous value and go build that awesome life!

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11 Jun 12 #336177 by Marshy_
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Sam. Yr doing really well. U knew this would be tough and yr response "I dont know" is an honest reply. It means you are in your way to it being a resounding NO. Good for you. Let her stew. She is prob having doubts. But thats tough. And the major problem you are likely to face is that she may want to come back. That will be a real test for you. Keep the faith. C.

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11 Jun 12 #336193 by hawaythelads
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The ex has of course been in touch. A couple of times she has been a snivelling mess claiming panic attacks and anxiety are plaguing her. They probably are. She says she did not realise how financially and emotionally hard it would be. My initial response was to shrug my shoulders and ask what exactly I can do about it...is it my problem? No. We have done a couple of small cycles of the process where I get a little sucked in to be kicked in the nuts by her saying she actually does not know what she wants (I also know the "L" word is being thrown about by her and OM - immature b@&£ards). I have not been so emotionally affected by these cycles though...many of you predicted them.


Hi Sam,
I''m glad that you are doing okish.
Starting a fresh is always a daunting process.
Next time she''s play acting and toying with your emotions about how hard it is emotionally and financially and do you love me just give her this reply.

"Love you? Don''t make me larf!!!
Of course I don''t love you.
You''ve been banging someone else.
Oh Yeah and FYI you''d better get your fecking act together emotionally and financially because the option of mug number one covering your rse has well and truly left the building."

G''wan I double dare ya!!:blink:

All the best
HRH xx

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