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Somebody said to me today...

  • Sunshine10
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13 Jun 12 #336621 by Sunshine10
Topic started by Sunshine10
Wasn''t sure where to post this but...somebody said to me today "Life must be treating you good". I thought how ironic....my husband has left me, work is terribly stressful and I''ve lost so much weight people think life is good.

I know that sounds a bit harsh. The person in question was trying to be nice and he was nice, but it made me think...

So now I''m wondering about a life with someone else. How do I even begin after such a long time being married? I don''t know what I look like from the outside but would LOVE to find someone who wants to look after me rather than the other way round.......which is so far from where I was.

I read the internet dating post with interest but not sure.......

  • Canuck425
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14 Jun 12 #336634 by Canuck425
Reply from Canuck425
Oh, I have so many thoughts on this one. Of course, they are all from a male perspective.

For me, the last thing I want right now is a new relationship. Someone said to me if I wanted to get married again and I almost choked. Right now, I am just looking for more fun in my life.

I think my advice to you as a woman would be just to work on being more social every day. Smile more. Have more fun. Surround yourself with people you enjoy. Start new hobbies and activities. Meet new people. Talk to strangers at the bus stop in the grocery store. Connect with people at a more real level. Don''t stare at your phone like everyone else when you''re out.

Internet dating is a bit of a crutch. It''s so easy to meet people there - especially for women. Can you get out from behind the keyboard and into the world? I know I have trouble with that.

Having said that I have done a bit of internet dating and quite enjoyed it. I met some really interesting women and had some good fun with a few of them.

However, I mad a pledge to myself and that''s no new Internet women for me for six months. I am only going to meet people the old fashioned way. Through friends, activities, work, etc. We''ll see how it goes!

  • DrManhattan1
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15 Jun 12 #336857 by DrManhattan1
Reply from DrManhattan1
Hi Sunshine/Canuck,

Totally relate to your concerns re meeting someone new! Can''t offer too much advice as such, just my experience so far. (male,44, separated for 14 months, married 13 years, 2 kids, adultery etc etc)

Jumped straight into internet dating (ex put me on the site believe it or not during an amicable phase!). It is a great way to boost your ego and meet some genuine people, and can become almost addictive- providing a quick hit of self esteem. I''ve had 10+ dates, with 1 serious relationship that lasted 3 months. It doesn''t sound long but it was an entire relationship from start to finish in 3 months! She managed to really hurt me again though, which really was a wake up call, as if the end of my marriage wasn''t enough! The dating sites are just like "panning for gold" really, just another type of filter, so don''t have too high expectations. I found all the dates hard work in the end- the stress of meeting a total stranger (and telling my story over and over!) was simply not enjoyable in the end.

Re Relationships in general, initially I carried on the way I always had in terms of meeting and falling for someone. I didn''t realise just how damaged I was. Its only now, 14 months on that I realise how messed up I am. I''m sruggling to trust people and simply not stable enough emotionally to meet a partner. That said, inevitably, just as I left the dating site I replied to one last person that contacted me- met up against my better judgement and have seen each other several times since. Really like each other and have told her everything- hidden nothing, including how messed up I am. We are being very grown up this time and giving each other space and time, which is really helping. Still having huge wobbles occasionally, but also wonderful glimpses through the dark fog of a possible wonderful relationship.

Not sure how to sum all that up!, but good luck. I think as long as you are honest with your date (difficult as you instinctively don''t want to frighten them off!) then it can be a great experience. I suppose one good thing to come out of all the experience of the separation has been my respect for honesty and truthfulness- I won''t accept anything less anymore and its a great feeling to be so honest with someone right from the outset- feels really liberating and is helping me to discover who I am I guess.

All the best:) ,

Dr M.

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