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Advice needed please (HELP)

  • Down_in_a_hole
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21 Jun 12 #338162 by Down_in_a_hole
Topic started by Down_in_a_hole
Hi All

Just a quick question as I am getting a little tetchy at the moment. She comes back from holiday on Saturday, no doubt will be full of life despite the long flight proclaiming that it has been the best holiday ever. Without question she will be looking good after her week in the sun. :unsure:

Anyway enough about her, I am not stupid enough to ask what she has been up to and with whom, why add to the torture I am already putting myself through, but at some stage questions need to be asked. I will instantly tell if she has cheated, she thinks she is a good liar but I will notice little traits which give the game away. If she has cheated then I have decided to tell her I am putting the house on the market and she can make her own way in life, unfortunately it will be without me as I ‘signed up’ with her as a partner not a friend. Hopefully I will be able to wish her well and tell her that I hope she will be happy and make someone else happy, shame it could not have been me.

These questions will have to be put on hold for a very brief period until I have positive information on what has happened. This is, of course, unless she has had the week to think and has decided to leave me, who knows. As I have commented we have helped each other through some of the most traumatic times of our lives. This included a period of time on a trial separation when she moved back in to the house (spare room) and helped me with all aspects of daily life including assisting me to use the toilet as my then girlfriend was only concerned with how long it would be before I would be able to take her out on my motorbike again. Given all this I do not want to flush it all down the pan (pun unintended). :blush:

The main question I would like advice in is how to react if and when she comes home on Saturday. Do I buy her flowers as I have always done when she has been away or not. Also I do not know how to talk to her should I be pleasant and say that I hope she has had a good time and comment on how good she looks or should I be off hand and confrontational, I would really appreciate a woman’s perspective on this. I know there are many ladies on here who have been hurt by the ‘kind’ words of their partners and I do not want to be another one of these creatures who inflicts pain on another human being.

This is not me being a doormat but I just cannot be nasty to someone who I dearly love, that is just not me and if I lose sight of what I am I have lost everything I have worked on to achieve. Just to explain that many years before I met my partner I went through a bit of a bad patch and was the sort of person people would cross the road to avoid and was very uncommitted with any partner. I always made it clear from the start of any relationship that I would never settle down and would never make promises that I could not keep. A complete 180 saw me give up full time work, return to university as a mature student then get a job taking me far and wide. I then met my partner and decided to settle down. The old me is a distant memory and want to keep him that way, few photographs exist from that time and the only person who I have kept in touch with is one of the few people who I would trust with my life.

I know there are some very astute, clever and savvy ladies on this site and I would be very grateful on how they would like to be treated or spoken to if they have returned form a holiday with a friend. Please ignore any feelings of infidelity that that I may have alluded to. Sorry to be so presumptuous but I must be doing something wrong to find myself in the situation I am in.

Love and respect
DIAH

  • jslgb
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21 Jun 12 #338179 by jslgb
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Hello DIAH :)

I can understand your concerns, but no matter what anyone tells you on this site, only you can decide how you handle things. I dont know the circumstances of your relationship but i guess as your here its not good. If you want to make it work, do what you can to show her this. No one can tell us what is right and what is wrong. Go with your gut!

All the best xx

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