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dealing with the lose of others

  • Lori321
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22 Jul 12 #344631 by Lori321
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In brief I have no real idea why my husband married me but my beflief was for finanical, and someone to take care of him generally, while his love interest is with someone else. Long story about the other women but i feel sorry for her because she is being abused as well. I hurt very much for lots of reasons but right now I wish he would stop twisting things around (this is a usual and very cleaver, manipuating skill he has)so that he is the victim and i am the horrilbe un godly women. I have received letters from our church quoting the evils of the world and how we should behave in the right ways etc. etc. that we should not divorce. I have felt like replying and telling them of what they not know of but feel that I am only being vindictive and that it is best just to walk away. It would only create a situation where they will not know who to beleive. The loss of these peoples frienship is hard to bare at times. I wish to pick the phone up to talk with them. My husband has also being in touch with my local ecclesia (church) and made it awkward for me to go there as well. I know he is protecting his own standing amoung them and the only way he can do that is to discredit me. How do i deal with this and the anger i feel.

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22 Jul 12 #344636 by Action
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It sounds very un-Christian of the church friends to be cutting you off like this. My instinct would be to phone one of them that you feel you can talk to and merely say that they should not believe everything they are told and that there is another side to the story but you feel it unkind and inappropriate to discuss the details. Tell them that you value their friendship and support, especially during this very difficult time of your life.

You don''t have to stoop to his level - his behaviour is so common - the guilty party shifting blame onto the other.

  • fairylandtime
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22 Jul 12 #344639 by fairylandtime
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Loire

It''s hard when you feel ostracised from what was your "friends" group because what is said about you ... Especially when it is clearly not true.

I tried to keep friendships going within our group but tbh their acceptance of my x as the victim & me as the big bad witch in all this really broke it for me, additional to that I didn''t want my x knowing my every move / feeling so I let it go.

2+ years on it is still hard, seeing things on fb etc for friends not being invited to x because my x is there etc, or perhaps in part because I chose to withdraw.

There is no right or wrong answer, you could confide in one as to what really happened but tbh are they sure they will even believe you or will they turn on you, & really was their org friendship worth that rejection.

Churches appear IMO to "look after their own" or who they are lead to believe is the wronged or even most popular, & possibly most useful to them. This is the reason now why I also no longer to to church, I don''t want to be either not part of or part of the "group" as I feel the whole set up is wrong.

You can only do what you feel is right, I feel for you, send (((hugs))) & hope all goes ok for you.

Stay strong JJx

  • maryj49
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22 Jul 12 #344645 by maryj49
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Hi Loire

Exactly the same happened to me, with friends and family completly cutting me off.

Just shows what shallow individuals they are.

The church business sounds aweful for you. IMHO one of the problems with religion.

I am a Christian and I believe good will always conquer evil. So stay strong.

Hugs MJ

  • Lori321
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11 Aug 12 #348864 by Lori321
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No contact for a month the recorded delivery parcel. Photo and cards we sent each other when tìngs were fine. A letter that states how much i an loved but then condems me implying i sleep around . It has hurt me. How do i move on from the hurt. He betrayed me but he implies i caused it.

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11 Aug 12 #348915 by Action
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Stick with what you know to be true. His actions of sending you the things through the post are those of a disturbed person - must be guilt ridden. Eventually people will see the truth for themselves.

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