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Just seperated

  • Canuck425
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01 Aug 12 #346819 by Canuck425
Reply from Canuck425

I am fairly certain that there is no-one else involved.

Just to throw it out there your husband is following two points of the cheater. 1) Saying "I don''t love you anymore" and 2) Blaming you.

You say that he changed around Christmas. Did anything else change? Have the passwords to his email or phone changed? Is his phone glued to his side like never before? Is he texting or taking calls much more than before? Can you take a look at his mobile bill to see?

It is a bit relevant as if he is in the "affair bubble" where everything is super amazing you kind of have to wait for that to pop before you can see where you are. If there really is no one else then, I think, you can take a different approach.

Regardless, know that the leaver is months or even years ahead of you in the decision to leave. He has agonized over this for a long time. Now you have to catch up.

So, take care of yourself and put yourself first. Ahead of your kids, for now. Do some small things that bring joy to your day. You can get through this stronger - really. It is a LOT of work though.

Early days for you. Right now your job is to take care of you and survive.

  • taff45
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02 Aug 12 #346834 by taff45
Reply from taff45

So sorry to hear what a difficult time you are having. You have found a great suport here. I, like you, found this website when looking for somewhere to turn when my husband told me two months ago he "no longer loved me." Like you my world crumbled around me.

There is no avoiding the fact that this is a devastating thing to go through. I found writing a diary helps me, it is somewhere to pour everything out and helps me make some sense of everything.

Keep posting and read other posts in the forums. Listening and sharing with others who are going through the same is a comfort and help.

  • donkler
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02 Aug 12 #346918 by donkler
Reply from donkler

Definately a few traits of a cheater there that you have described.

My tip would be to try the no contact thing for a little while, only communicate when its in regards to your children, and then make it breif and to the point.

See what happens then, observe for a while.

In 99% of cases blokes just done leave home for nothing.

Good luck.

  • Kazzabell80
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02 Aug 12 #346940 by Kazzabell80
Reply from Kazzabell80
Thanks for your replies.

Well I think that I have had the worst few days of my life (with the exception of the immediate aftermath of him leaving).

I (stupidly) hacked his email account and found an instant message from FB. From some woman that I don''t know (but works the bar at the club that he bounces at). It was nothing incriminating at all, very mundane. Lots of smilies and winky smilies though (which he never does when contacting me).

Anyway, he found out hit the roof. But insists that she is just a friend from work, that is it. Then he sent me a horrible text yesterday and within minutes sent another one saying ''no probs, I can still text you ;p''. Now this woman has the same first name as me so I think that it was meant for her and was sent to me by mistake.

He said that the message was for me, but he didn''t mean to put the smilie on it?! (as I pointed out that it was out of character for him).

My Dad has travelled from abroad to spend some time looking after me and the children and OH has been with him since approx 10am this morning so a good 4.5 hrs talking. My Dad thinks that he has issues and that I am not the problem. I will find out more when I get home from work.

Oh and yes, all passwords changed on everything, phone glued to him, very little activity on his FB page but he has admitted that he is always instant messaging people on FB.

I still pray that we can get through this and that there isn''t someone else. I don''t think that anything has happened but since we have seperated perhaps she is extending an olive branch and he is flattered by the attention?? I know, I sound desperate :(

Christmas was when my diagnosis hit me really. I had just tried to get on with it but it all came at once (probably end of Nov/beginning of Dec). I had to go to counselling, was signed off work etc.

  • happyagain
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02 Aug 12 #346944 by happyagain
Reply from happyagain
He is having an affair, or wants to have an affair. And the message was meant for the other woman, not you.
I am not saying this to hurt you, but in the hope that you will toughen up a bit towards him.
Let''s say you still want to save your marriage and there are still feelings between you - your husband will not find your despair/desperation attractive. Nobody ever does. A cool elusive woman is usuallyy what ignites interest, especially if it''s out of character!
If it is over, then hardening your stance will help you deal with your emotions and the practicalities in the long run.
Either way, playing it cool is the right thing to do right now.

  • wammcl
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02 Aug 12 #346945 by wammcl
Reply from wammcl
It is HORRIBLE, I know. I''ve been there and more and more keps coming out. They think they''ll have a better life with someone else and they have emotionally detached themselves from you a while ago while we are left floundering. Don''t you dare let him blame your diagnosis - he of everybody should be there for you through this. Canuck speaks a lot of sense and wisdom. Be strong and be dignified - your husband created this. See him as little as you can and keep your dignity, and come on here for support - you will get it. It has saved my life, together with friends and family for the last 6 months. I repeat, IT IS NOT YOU OR YOUR FAULT! Here for you xxx

  • afonleas
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02 Aug 12 #346946 by afonleas
Reply from afonleas
Sorry to be forthright,but all the signs are there,your story is practically identical to mine,my s2bx just wanted to find himself????but apparently he had already found himself with rent-a-bike,so where was he lost then???
They are so good at the blame game,don''t be having any of it,passwords changed mobile loctited to the body he is up to something.
Take control of the situation,even though it''s hard but he is stringing you along until he decides what he wants,just another idiot who thinks grass is greener

Sorry if I''ve hurt you,really not meant to!!!

Take care of yourself and the kids
Luv and Cwtchs
Afon xx..................................

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