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Update and a thank you

  • taff45
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07 Aug 12 #347840 by taff45
Topic started by taff45
Hi everyone

Just wanted to share an update with you all on how things are. but most of all wanted to say a great big "thank you" to this fantastic forum and all the amazing people here who have supported me so far.

Three months now since the "I don`t love you any more," speech. Have come out of the complete agony that brought to a slightly better place where I can cope a bit better now. And this website has helped a lot in that journey.

Anyway currently we are going to counselling and I have got him to see he is depressed, which is a factor in all this.I realise I have a part to play in the marriage breakdown as well, there are always two sides to a story and counselling, for me, is helping me understand how we got to this place.

A week ago I also uncovered the "other woman" but he still maintains this is just a friendship. Can`t budge him on that one and I am struggling with trust and jealousy issues as a result.

Anyway still living together but it`s tough. Today is a bit of a better day and trying to focus on a future without him. Have decided I have to focus on this as it`s the most likely outcome and I need to salvage my sanity.So today I have booked estate agents to value house so can have an idea of finances. Been looking at benefits as well.

How have others found benefits and finances when splitting up?

  • revenge
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07 Aug 12 #347848 by revenge
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I am pleased counselling has been some help to you both. My husband is adament it was all my fault, even though he moved in woman he works with the night he left.
When I went to counselling through my doctor 9 months after he left, he offered to go with me, what was the point? It wasn''t couples counselling it was for me.
I feel my husband really should go to counselling himself as I think the way he walked out on our marriage and completely detached himself from everything and everybody that has been his life for 22 years, shows that emotionally he is missing something somewhere.
I really wished hed given couples counselling a chance, as i feel it would have been a big help to us both to see where things stared to slip and at least we could have both seen what each other wanted.
I can''t even talk to him, because when I hear his voice I know I still love him. Yet his emails are very business like( which I do understand why).
If you do part at least you have tried and you may possibly end on civil terms, I can''t do that now as I feel so bitter and upset that he is giving some other woman our life.
Good luck to you, hope all turns out the way you want.

  • maisymoos
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07 Aug 12 #347855 by maisymoos
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I agree about counselling helping despite it not necessarily saving a marriage. I learnt what a lying ex I had as he lied his way through the sessions. The councillor wasn''t daft and all came out in the end.

As for finances I think everyones story is so different and depends on so many factors. You really need to start with financial disclosure on both sides, this can be done voluntarily. Than try and look at what would be fair and reasonable. Us wikis can help out with that :-)

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