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Hobbies and interests in a relationship

  • not such a bad guy
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21 Aug 12 #350937 by not such a bad guy
Topic started by not such a bad guy
I am a big believer that both persons in a relationship should have hobbies and interests to keep the mind stimulated. Maybe these are ones that are shared together....maybe they are followed individually. Maybe it is sport, maybe its outdoors, photography, walking, traveling etc etc

Do people out there have experiences of when hobbies have enhanced a relationship or perhaps exactly the opposite?

When does a hobby become an obsession that drives a wedge between those in a relationship?

  • QPRanger
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21 Aug 12 #350948 by QPRanger
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Yeah I agree in principle....but people change as that get older.

When I met my stbx over 10 yrs ago we used to do a lot of pubbing and clubbing together but as I approached my late 30s I moved on from that lifestyle (as you do when you are getting on a bit). My wife though cannot leave the hedonistic lifestyle behind and has a group of friends with the same interests. Part of the reason I am here now: time spent together as a couple was eroded away as my stbx liked to be surrounded by her friends doing their ''thing''....I guess I wanted her to myself every now and then rather than just be part of a group of people I had nothing in common with....

  • MrsMathsisfun
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21 Aug 12 #350951 by MrsMathsisfun
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Having common interests in my opinion is important but also having time apart is also as important.

Its about balance.

Luckily my partner has learnt to love my passion for watching rugby and we now watch together, but I just cant learn to love Formula one!!

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21 Aug 12 #350969 by not such a bad guy
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It is great when both can enjoy the same hobby but a little time apart does also give each a bit of breathing space and an active pressure relief system.

I think that problems can occur when person ‘A’ has an active hobby and person ‘B’ doesn’t seemingly have any hobby.

  • MrsMathsisfun
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21 Aug 12 #350971 by MrsMathsisfun
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It also becomes an issue when one parties hobby becomes all consuming.

I had a bf who liked to play golf, no issue but when he wanted to play every evening and weekend during the summer so we spent no time together it became an issue.

He decided to choice golf rather than me!

  • Enuff Already
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21 Aug 12 #350988 by Enuff Already
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Shoe on the other foot here, I had a wife who was a party animal (which I enjoyed to a degree for the first sector of our marriage), then her hobbies ranged from gym, horse riding, salsa dancing and this left two nights a week that I wasn''t babysitting and was I allowed to do anything on those two nights... guess...! And trust me it wasn''t worth the hassle to argue or make a point... all futile in the end anyway!

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21 Aug 12 #350993 by Shoegirl
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I found these types of questions unhelpful in my own situation as they led to blaming my Stbx rather than focussing on me and what I needed to learn from ending up in a relationship with someone capable of emotional neglect.

So, I chose to focus on why my Stbx needed hobbies to disguise his own limitations with emotional unavailability in relationships. I found this more helpful in being able to understand the situation I found myself in and how to avoid the same things happening to me again.

The point I would like to make however is that posters often on this forum reveal some detail on why they are posting the question. It helps us to provide more helpful responses in connection with the context and also reassures posters we are connecting with a person rather than a journalist trying to find research for an article as an example.

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