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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


What happens now?

  • mag
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25 Aug 12 #351955 by mag
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kazza. so sorry to hear this. i cant really offer any advice as im in almost a parallell situation to yours (minus children). i too want the marrriage to work, but as many have told me; and im am coming to terms with, there needs to be the will on both sides to make it work, without that, harbouring a hope is futile and will drain you. that doesnt mean we dont - but if you can see when you are doing, thats when you need to try your best to be strong and not let it drag you down. i know its hard, trust me, i let it happen to me earlier in the week and thanks to friends i managed to pull myself out of a very dark place that day. as others have said, focus on yourself which can in turn give you the strength to help your children. as a good friend of mine who has been through this said to me, no matter how much you may be thinking of your OH, he ultimately isnt thinking of you (at least not in the same way). if he isnt, then he''s not worth wasting the tears on, use that energy to help yourself instead. i hope this message finds you well

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26 Aug 12 #352004 by Kazzabell80
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Thanks Marshy - alhtough I do feel like I am crumbling...fast :(I don''t feel that i can be strong at all and I just want him to come home and stop this, but he won''t and I am so alone.

Mag - I know that you are right re the energy/tears, but I can''t help it. I love him so much that I can''t bear to be without him and it is tearing me apart.

We had a chat yesterday and I was sad but felt ok after it. I told him that he was gutless for letting our cousellor tell me that it was over rather than telling me himself. He says that once he explained how he felt she felt that there was little point in continuing in the couples therapy. And that the issue of the OW was only brought up as he wanted to tell her before I told her (but they are friends).

He said that it is over and we should start thinking about sorting out our financials but we never know what the future might hold and maybe one day we can build a relationship??

We even had a hug and he told me that he still really cared for me and kind of reached out for me as I pulled away - but he looked/sounded so genuine.

Why is he toying with me like this? I feel so heartbroken.

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26 Aug 12 #352109 by Crumpled
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HI KB I am so sorry ......all i can really add is keep going to counselling mine was truly a lifesaver and will help you through this horrible time...............it is good to have someone who will listen to you and let you rant etc in truly confidential surroundings.
I promise you things will get easier it just takes time but eventually the good days will outweigh the bad ones.
you are not alone we will all be here for you
lots of love x

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27 Aug 12 #352146 by Fifi100
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I can only reiterate that which others have already said -that you are not alone and that you will survive.

I am in the midst of my own personal hell and rightly or wrongly the only thing that is getting me through this is knowing I need to be fit and well for my children. Our children.

His choice to walk out just as it was my STBX choice to walk out. His choice to invest more in a relationship with A N Other than focus on trying to sort things out at home. And now you have to take back some of the power. Definately do not rush into things. The best piece of advice I was given was to not behave or react in a way that would make him feel that he was right to leave. Talk to those you trust and definately seek counselling. Small steps make great strides. If you cannot eat at least drink lots of water and take a good vitamin suppliment but try to eat. I could only eat with my children -it became a ritual.

I feel your pain. My STBX pretty much did the same at the beginning of the year. I appreciate all situations are very different. Finally -if you don''t already keep a diary. It really helps and is useful for information at a later date when and if you need it for your legal matters.

Thinking of you :o)

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28 Aug 12 #352285 by Kazzabell80
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Thanks LID. I am hoping that the counselling will help me, judging from what others'' have said, it really should help point me in the right direction.

Fifi100 - thanks for your kind words. I know deep down that I will survive, I have to for the sake of our children. They have been so amazing and such support for me, I really don''t think that I could do this without them. They are keeping my mind busy and we are actually laughing occassionally which makes me feel better.

I am still not sleeping though and have no appetite - although made myself eat some toast last night.

I went out with friends to watch some bands on Sunday night and it was nice to be out, but I didn''t stay out late as I knew they all wanted to go clubbing and I really couldn''t face him (he is a bouncer on the door of the only club in our small town!). I know that I made the right decision to go home when I did.

My daughter also sent me a text that has been a bit of a wake up call for me. She asked me to please look after myself for hers and her brothers'' sake. I haven''t neglected them it is just that they don''t like seeing me down in the dumps. So when I feel down, I look at that text and it gives me a bit of strength - she is so wise for someone so young. They also clubbed together and bought me a little necklace as a good luck charm (when out with my sister in law yesterday). They are such amazing children.

It has made me realise that OH and I really need to work together to make this process as painless as possible for them, our babies. We are agreed that they are the most important people in all of this we need to remain friendly/civil in order to ensure this.

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28 Aug 12 #352306 by mag
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Kazza i know exactly how your feeling. you''re lucky that your kids are being so supportive, i know they''ll help you through.

try to keep your head up and you know you''ve got buckets full of support on here

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