Re building after separation

Hello everyone

Wondered if anyone would share hope and advice on rebuilding life after separation.

My husband moved out just over a week ago. We are speaking and its very amicable. He has a flat nearby so the children can come and go between houses and they are coping so well with everything.

But for me this is so hard. On the plus side I am coping better, some of the awfulness has gone and I am sleeping again. But this being on my own bit is hard. I suppose I have no choice but to get on with it and make a new life. Am trying but after 20 years of living with someone being alone is tough. Trying to do new things and start new hobbies but at the end of the day at night its just me on my own.

(((((((((taff))))))))
sorry i cant offer too much advice, but i know how you feel, i am doing the same. my wife left the day after telling me.

i have been trying to do older hobbies -things i did before i was in my relationship - but they just seem to fill the void temporarily (esp as its 12 years since i last did them seriously, ive supposedly grown up since then ). i have no idea what i want to do as i feel my whole life was stripped away in an instant.

i was an avid martial artist but now cant face doing it as i see it as a major contributor to pushing my wife away.

however i have found comfort in getting out for fresh air, or being with friends. we had no children, which could be viewed as either a good or bad thing depending on what your talking about. in my case i would jst say that since she left, our house seems sooooo empty, i suspect the children could help with that aspect of things. i think thats why ive been trying to get out more, so that i dont have to come to terms with the quietness.

i feel friends to lean on is really important at this stage, but after 2 months i feel like i may be outstaying my welcome and i''ll have to get used to being on my own.

maybe time a good time to try something new and build a new/bigger network of friends?

I found it extremely hard being on my own and truthfully in the beginning went from one failed relationship to another in an attempt to fill the void.

Definitely not a good solution to loneliness!!

In the end I had to accept that although I didnt enjoy being on my own, I had to accept that sometimes I had to be.

I found sundays the hardest, so I would plan the day out giving myself little treats every hour or so.

I also started to admit to others how I hated sundays and it turned out most of them, even the happy married ones!! did to so we started to plan things together.

Thanks mag and mathsisfun for your advice and support.

Have just booked yoga classes - something positive today following a minor breakdown after dropping kids of with dad.

So I guess its back to coping with this situation. Hopefully it will get easier next week when I go back to work following the summer holidays. With work to focus on again I am hoping it fills the void a bit more. Fingers crossed I am in a better place mentally to concentrate on work again.

well done you!!! yoga is good fun and can be suprisingly good exercise - the first time i did it i couldnt believe how inflexible i was. ive not been for a while but one thing i think will be great is that it is a form of meditation, the class will help you to empty your mind and the negative thoughts.

i have been back at work for around 2 weeks. my boss has been amazing and ive been doing reduced hours if i didnt feel up to it. today was a milestone as i did my first full day getting back to work will be good for you and definitely help restore a sense of normality in spite of the crazy situations were in!

keep your head up (((((((hugs))))))))))))

taff45 - well done on the yoga booking!! I imagine that will be very good, especially as mag pointed out, it is a form of meditation.

Living with someone for so long and then not having them there is tough. I think that I would die of loneliness if it wasn''t for the children and woofers. Having said that, I am finding it difficult watching them forge their ''new lives'' to fit in with their Dad''s ''new life'' (hence my post documenting my meltdown earlier today *ahem*).

...and well done mag on your little milestone at work today...

Hi mag

Good to hear from someone who experience of yoga. Never done it before but one of the reasons I chose it was for the meditation aspect. Meditation is something I have tried when I was at my most desperate and unable to do anything.

Am also going to try golf lessons! Never done before but I have a couple of friends who have become very close and helped me a lot in last few months and one wanted to take lessons. Normally I wouldn`t have been interested but have a totally different attitude now - a positive from the negatives of this situation. Anything to get me out and try and have some fun.

Work will be a mixed blessing. As I am the manager I have to lead by example so its going to be hard - not a buddy type thing with workmates who will help and support me. The term before we broke up for the holidays I didn`t really function but I was able to hide in the office "pretending"to be buried in paperwork but in reality not really achieving much.

Am also really struggling with telling people my husband has left me - not something I have done so far to anyone outside the family and my closest friends. How have others found "going public"?